So...the general rule in most cases is the postive yields the right of way to the negative

Uh, not in my house. Otherwise we wouldn't, for instance, go to street festivals because my husband hates being surrounded by crowds. He puts up with it for me. Sometimes he wins. Sometimes I win. But if the negative always won, we'd be living in a smaller and smaller and smaller space that was the intersection of our two comfort zones.

Would your DH feel the same way about a sword as he does about a gun?

Unfortunately, yes. I asked. Though he's OK with me owning either a gun or a sword, if I store them somewhere else. It's the having them in the home, possibly on display, that's a problem.

Erin, I definitely think he'll bite. Sounds like you two had a good time.

part of the whole the person who sees A as a positive generally has more to lose by winning than the person who sees A as a positive. using the guitar example above - DH stands to lose a lot more if I think I am being ignored or even being distracted durring a conversation. as in those are both things that can cause a conversation to become an arguement. by giving up his positive - he gains better comunication with me - someone he has chosen to be with. Because he is willing to give up a positive - I can let him watch tv and play as long as it isn't something I am trying to watch. Which might not sound like a big deal. except that too many different noises really drives me crazy.

Sorry, Susan. I know you must be dissappointed. Is there any other piece of period memorabilia you could think of as a reward for yourself that is not a weapon?

But if the negative always won, we'd be living in a smaller and smaller and smaller space that was the intersection of our two comfort zones.

I don't think the negative should always win. I think that when you get to an impasse, the negative wins. If your hubby wasn't just uncomfortable with crowds but actively phobic, you wouldn't insist. You'd go to street festivals with friends and find another place to share with him.

Give up cats already in the household for someone's allergies--shit, man, she loves you lots, doesn't she. Because "allergy to cats" is kind of in the same category as "thinks Reagan was too liberal" as insurmountable incompatabilities.

Betsy just reminded me of the other side of it. The " no way, no how, never, never, never" reaction -- should be really really rare.

Susan--hold out for the gun, though you might have to do so quietly. Unless the heavens part and angels from on high show you the One True Writing Trophy, anything else hanging on that wall will be a constant reminder of what you really wanted. A blank wall is a hopeful wall.

I have a friend who moved in with her BF and his cat despite her allergy -- and then got acupuncture which cured her. Some time later she broke the engagement and ran off to Vegas and married her best friend.