I'm still hitting the BRQG like it's a crack pipe:

Matt the Bruins fan: I did my level best Lucy impression last night as I attempted to find the proper amount of bleach to turn the bright green socks I bought into something resembling the shirt they're going to be paired with. I learned:

(1) There is no amount of exposure to bleach brief enough to avoid stripping out too much of the blue dye.

(2) Vinegar is almost as effective as bleach at stripping out said dye. Again, no amount of exposure sufficiently brief for the desired effect.

(3) Despite several minutes of rinsing and wringing, cotton fabric remains saturated once it's been dipped in bleach and vinegar.

(4) Cotton fabric so saturated should never be dried in a microwave.

(5) After bleach/vinegar saturated fabric has burst into flame within the microwave, it gives off a choke-inducing yellow smoke.

(6) Said choke-inducing yellow smoke, while thick enough to cause wooziness and teary eyes within three breaths of exposure, somehow avoids setting off a smoke alarm that won't let me cook bacon in peace.

(7) When shouldering open a stuck kitchen door to the deck for fresh air while clad solely in boxers, it would be wise to make sure it's not 35° outside said door.

(8) Likewise, during same activity, it would be best to avoid performing it with such force that one ends up spread eagled before the now-open door as one's neighbors are returning from the night shift.

(9) When picking oneself up off the floor after such a pratfall, one should be grateful for the aforementioned 35° temperature, which... minimizes... any breaches of decorum that might result from the sudden realization that one has chosen the pair of boxers with no fly button for the night's endeavor.

My worries about the neighbor's and landlord's negative reaction when I announce my departure for an apartment in Memphis have suddenly been allayed.

So I went to the doctor today because I'm not feeling well. And then I stopped at the grocery store for some ginger ale and angel food cake. When i was getting out of my car, I accidently tapped the car next to me. I say tapped because there wasn't even any paint transfer or anything, not a scratch.

There was an old guy in the car with two little kids in the back.

He rolled down his window and said, "if you lost 40 pounds, that wouldn't happen."

I don't remember what I said back, but I'm still enraged.

Matt - that apartment does look great - too bad about the sketchy neighborhood.

and now I leave you all to go drink a Harp and be skirted around to various pubs with a group of NYC firemen.

He rolled down his window and said, "if you lost 40 pounds, that wouldn't happen."

"Wait! Let me go buy a couple 10-lb bags of potatoes, stow them in my trunk, and try again! Think I can kill ya on the second try??"

I don't remember what I said back

I hope that the blackout included some sort of physical violence. That fucker deserves a hard, sharp smack to the head.

He rolled down his window and said, "if you lost 40 pounds, that wouldn't happen."

"And yet, you'd still be an asshole with no class."

if you lost 40 pounds, that wouldn't happen.

Motherfucker.

He rolled down his window and said, "if you lost 40 pounds, that wouldn't happen."

Oh, Allyson. My mother would have said, "And they say there's no such thing as perfection," to which the man would have made the Huh-face, and then she would have said, "But you're a perfect asshole."

Oh, Allyson, that sucks. People are stupid.

oh Allyson we hates him. what an asswipe jackhole.

Dear Jackhole in the Parking Lot,

You are not worthy to speak to Allyson. For Allyson is a lovely and smart wonderful person.

Refrain from speaking to or even looking at our friend Allyson.

You suck like the rudest sucky thing that ever slithered around suckville.

We hate you.

GRRR! - msbelle.