Hec, I've not only eaten tapenade without the capers - which by the way can kill me - I've made tapenade without capers.

And it was, though I say so myself, tapenade. Damned good tapenade, too.

And if some guy named Anatole in Villefranche-sur-Mer wants to dis my caperless yet nonfatal tapenade because the essence of tapenade is surely the capers?

He can baiser mon cul.

Damn it. I'm still arguing about fucking sandwich zen.

And when Dana is going to come kill us all.

I'm perfectly content. I know what I'm eating. Or not eating, unfortunately, since I am muffaletta-less.

And you think my rebuttal was lame?

Try this then salami swami, find an online muffaletta recipe that doesn't include olives.

Dude. Olive salad comes in a jar. You can put it on almost anything. The presence of olive salad will not turn, say, a hot dog, into a muffaletta.

However, muffaletta bread is specifically muffaletta bread. It doesn't have any other functions. Once you've taken muffaletta bread, and put some standard sandwich fillings on it, it becomes a muffaletta sandwich. (If you put, say, peanut butter and jelly on it, then it's just muffaletta bread with peanut butter and jelly. The fillings need to come from the standard meats and cheeses and salads.)

Or not eating, unfortunately, since I am muffaletta-less.

You could get some olives and bread and pretend you're Sean. Then you'd have one.

Try this then salami swami, find an online muffaletta recipe that doesn't include olives.

I'll go you one better. I'll get a muffaleta recipe online, make myself one with yummy olive salad, and then make one without olives for Deb.

AND CALL IT A MUFFALETA

Mmmmmmm. Tapenade. Fun to eat and say.

You could get some olives and bread and pretend you're Sean. Then you'd have one.

Aren't you going home?

AND CALL IT A MUFFALETA

You can call yourself SuperFab Fonzie Dude With a Big Swinging Dick, but it doesn't make it so. It makes you comically deluded..

What if I call him SuperFab Fonzie Dude With a Big Swinging Dick?