Apply Lipstick. Insert Tab A into Slot B and serve tea. Apply more lipstick. Flip hair at Mal. Apply coat of varnish on lipstick. Promote new book, "Holier Than Thou Recipes for Tea." Apply more lipstick on top of varnish, take nap. Wake up, roll eyes at Jane, check to make sure 85 coats of lipstick are still really shiny. Smile. Say something arrogant without having anything to back it up. Apply more lipstick. Bitch about lack of rich asswipes to fuck. Make tea.

Is it Morena's acting in particular that you despise, or the way the character's written, or the concept of a character who is simply a passenger and a high class callgirl?

I mean, you're very much in the majority as far as I can see, but we obviously have very different takes on this.

Is it Morena's acting in particular that you despise, or the way the character's written, or the concept of a character who is simply a passenger and a high class callgirl?

Do I just have to choose one, Fay? She's baggage, a waste of space. Everytime she utters a a line, it's taking screentime away from another character, or even the humming engine of Serenity, which is more interesting, and possibly better in the sack.

Really though, is it because she's a professional hooker? Or because she's pretty? Cos I'm thinking, the lipstick and hair-flipping and looking fabulous are kind of a prerequisite if you want people to pay ridiculous amounts of money to have sex with you.

I'm thinking, the lipstick and hair-flipping and looking fabulous are kind of a prerequisite if you want people to pay ridiculous amounts of money to have sex with you.

My point is, that this is all the character is. This is all she does. There's no more depth to her than hair flipping, tea making, and applying lipstick, aside from occassionally bitching that there's no work.

It is all she does. Can't argue with that. But I don't know that it's all she is. I mean, equally, being a happily married kick-ass second-in-command is all Zoe does, and being a chipper Engineer is all Kaylee does. I realise that canon doesn't give us Inara's backstory, but there evidently is one, just as there's one for Book. And in addition to the looking pretty and the sex'n'tea stuff that's her day job, we know that she's a decent swordswoman, that she can handle a gun, that she's a competent shuttle pilot and she can keep her head in a crisis. She's even saved Mal's ass several times, which is more than I've ever done for a landlord.

I appreciate that none of these are enough if the actress simply gets on your tits, or if the concept of a character who's a hooker pisses you off. But I don't think she's got less depth to her than most of the others - Jayne, say, or River, or Book. I just don't think we've heard all her backstory yet.

I just don't think we've heard all her backstory yet.

I don't think there is one, hence, no depth. She was born, painted her nails, talked on the phone about boys, went to Companion Community College where she majored in footwashing and took classes in swordsmanship and lipstick application, and took up residence on Serenity.

Ordinarily, I'd ask why she took up residence on the ship, and how she is paying for board with no work, but the character is a stale scone with no inner life who exists only to be a whiny sexual tension breadstick to Mal's spicy gumbo.

And there's no sexual tension in tea. Tea makes me think of the Queen Mother, taxation without representation, and sore throats.

We only get these few episodes, and within them, there is no reason to care if Inara lives or dies, or to claw out one's brain trying to figure out answers to questions that will be left hanging.

What did the Alliance do to River? How did Zoe and Mal ever manage to fall in love? Is Simon ever going to fuck Jayne? Is Jayne going to go postal on everyone if Simon doesn't fuck him soon? Will Mal ever going to find peace? Is Kaylee going to climb out of her shell? Is Book a good preacher, or a bad preacher? Will Inara PLEASE DIE?

I asked in Bureaucracy if we can consense that, until the UK has seen each of them, there will be no further discussion of "The Message", "Heart of Gold" or "Objects In Space" in this thread. That way the thread will be safe for the UKistas as long as they don't read older posts. Three weeks from now, after all the eps have aired in the UK, this thread would be fair game for anything.

If you have an opinion, get thee to Bureaucracy.

Can someone explain to me why a spoiler thread has limits on what can and cannot be discussed?

That seems bizarre and counter to what a spoiler thread is all about.

I think th eproblem, if I understand correctly, is that the UKers need somewhere to talk about the episodes we didn't get to see. Here seems logical, but there is information in here about some of the ones they haven't seen. if they talk about it in regular firefly, then where will the Ams talk about it if they want to be unspoiled for the DVDs?

I think I have that right.