Now I'm envisioning a River composed entirely of different colored jellybeans beating the crap out of everyone in a bar.

I went to a place where Mal turned into a penguin. An angry penguin.

"You're turning into a penguin, Mal. Stop it."

Simon's words from the pilot:

"Money. And luck -- for two years I couldn't get near her, but I was contacted by some men, some underground movement. They said she was in danger, that the government was playing with her brain. If I funded them they could sneak her out in cryo. Get her to Boros and from there, I could take her... wherever."

Now does his rescue contradict that? From a certain point of view, namely mine, no. See, in my fanwank, the underground group helped him gain access to River in the first place but once he rescued her, he couldn't freely roam the streets of a core world where they were looking for her (and surely he was a suspect). That's why he had the same group put her in cryo and ship her to him in a less surveillance heavy section of the world (hence the "sneak her out" line), where he then caught a ride on Serenity in the pilot. Works for me.

Barry, it works. It just seems like a stretch to me.

It is a bit of a stretch but saying Joss goofed up or purposefully chose to disregard that bit of information for the benefit of the movie (while probably true) isn't satisfying enough for me. It's preferable for me to come up with an explaination (however tenuous) in order to preserve the continuity of the verse in my head.

but saying Joss goofed up or purposefully chose to disregard that bit of information for the benefit of the movie (while probably true) isn't satisfying enough for me. It's preferable for me to come up with an explaination (however tenuous) in order to preserve the continuity of the verse in my head.

And Angel was Spike's sire. Uh-huh.

Yeah. It just doesn't bother me to say, "Joss disregarded continuity on purpose," maybe because I've seen him say so in multiple interviews. Just the other night I was noticing how interestingly the episode "Darla" retconned Angel's experience with the Gypsy girl as portrayed in the episode "The Prodigal." (ie, Darla knew immediately that he had been cursed and kicked him out in "The Prodigal," whereas in "Darla" she seemed to be ignorant of or at least unbothered by this fact).

In other words, Joss's total willingness to retcon himself isn't a bug; it's a feature.

In other words, Joss's total willingness to retcon himself isn't a bug; it's a feature.

Gift with purchase?

Or the simplest explanation is that Simon knew very well what the crew of Serenity would think of him, and he decided to play up the helpless angle a bit to gain sympathy, and lied in the pilot.