My question is, did she wield it? Or did she take advantage of something that was already there?

I think neither. It's something like, in my view, did she wield the death of her mother, or did she take advantage of what was already there? Also, when did she stop beating her wife?

I don't presume her guilty. I think she tried, and failed.

I think she tried, and failed.

I can get on board that wagon. I think, ultimately, Buffy and Riley were a good pair with bad timing. They both had some growing up to do in order to make the relationship work. If they had met 3 years later, it may have worked out.

My question is, did she wield it? Or did she take advantage of something that was already there?

i'm not sure what you mean. Did she take their Slayer issues and add them to her protective layers so he couldn't get close to her? Emphasize their problems rather than try to overcome them? Is that the question?

Did she take their Slayer issues and add them to her protective layers so he couldn't get close to her? Emphasize their problems rather than try to overcome them? Is that the question?

Yes, that's exactly what I mean.

Now that you say that, Cindy, I'm not sure she ever said it to him. I guess I was drawing conclusions after her "run after him if you love him" conversation with Xander.

I remember him saying it to her (or at least saying it in other words) two times. The first was in The Yoko Factor, when she had to unruffle his feathers after their encounters with Angel. When he said it, that time, her face indicated she felt similarly, or at least was fairly thrilled he'd said it. He also said it, or something akin to it, during The Replacement, when they were riding over to Xander's new place, to figure out the two Xander mess. She seemed rather happy that time, too.

I think there was a time in which (maybe) Buffy could have grown to love Riley, eventually. I don't think she was *there* yet. He was. After everything that happened, I don't think the potential was the same.

He was.

I disagree. Just because he said he loved her, doesn't mean he was aiming anything workable in her direction.

Just because he said he loved her, doesn't mean he was aiming anything workable in her direction.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I think Riley turned into a completely unreasonable whinger. And in fact, I think the slayerness wall was more something for him to hurdle, than for her to tear down. It was a fact of her, and he said he wanted the whole package (also in that conversation, in "The Replacement", but I don't think he actually understood the whole package). I think he was ridiculous when it came to his expectations about Buffy where Joyce's illness (and Buffy's feelings about it) were concerned.

There was a point in time though, where it was clear he felt in love with her. Where some people are sure she didn't/couldn't/wouldn't love him, I think she was still in the I-could-love-him stage, when he FUBARed it.

I think he was ridiculous when it came to his expectations about Buffy where Joyce's illness (and Buffy's feelings about it) were concerned.

The problem being that the S5 arc (as it played out) required Riley and Buffy to break up. Half (or more) of the reason for her swan dive at the end of "The Gift" was that Dawn was the only person left for her. She'd lost Riley, then her mother, and she decided not to lose Dawn as well.

Hmmmm. Come to think of it. Riley stays (preferably in goofball grad student mode), Dawn dies at the end of S5, angst over sacrificing Dawn to begin S6. There are worse scenarios.

(Edited to add parenthetical)

Buffy and Riley had the mutual crush thing going on, and being all super-powered and saving the world together, well who wouldn't enjoy that? But I don't think they were ever good at normal day-to-day life as a couple. Riley wanted to be pivotal to her and Buffy just didn't have the time or energy to do anything but take him for granted. No fault to either of them, really.

it's an interesting parallel to "I Will Remember You" All Buffy wanted was a normal boyfriend, and Angel had to be all noble and screw it up. IWRY is on this week, by the way. Get out the tissues.