Then you're living in a romance novel or a soap opera.

t looks around Damn. I knew something was amiss here. That explains why I keep running into people with names like 'Winter' and 'Reynaldo'.

Eh, I know it happens IRL. I just get all tangled up in the various relationships in a soap opera-y way.

Anyhow.

How about if he'd returned feelings, but refused to act on them due to his existing obligations? Y'know, due to him being all noble and shit.

Hypothetically, if the woman were married, I'd say the noble thing to do would be to pretend he did not return the feelings. I don't think the other is as noble as it might seem to people. ijs.

If he reciprocates and he's ready to end his marriage ( for other reasons, not just because of the mutual crushage), he shouldn't tell you until after his wife knows he wants out.

I'd go further and say until he is out.

They established that "you're like one of the girls!" dynamic very early on, and never wavered.

I quite agree. In fact, the only time I ever suspected it might waver was early on in season seven, when they started taking on that married couple dynamic, especially with Dawn.

With a few small exceptions, I never saw Xander's interest in Buffy as all that genuine anyway. Not that he was faking or anything. Just - he didn't see Willow that way, there weren't a lot of other girls giving him a second look, and suddenly this cool and pretty girl is hanging out with them and being all nice and hey!presto, fixation.

I think some of his insecurity about why she never bit is real - because he didn't think of Willow that way it would never have occurred to him that it had anything to do with her. But for Buffy, Xander was pretty off limits right from the start (and Angel was being all dark and mysterious, billowy coat King of Pain) so her mind/heart/other organs never went down that path.

Damn! Must.get.computer.for.home.

I'm sad I missed the Xander/Buffy discussion. A dear Buffy-addict guy friend and I constantly argue about this. I believe that try as he might, Xander never got over his feelings for Buffy - and despite his love for Anya, was always in love with the Buffster. (My friend disagrees completely and thinks that A/X had the twue lurv that could not be because of Xander's fears about turning into his folks.) I never wanted X/B to get together though - Xander was too insecure and wouldn't have ever really believed Buffy cared about him more than Angel (which she probably wouldn't have 'cause first love and all.)

Also - my first ep was Halloween - and I started loving Buffy right then and there. ("Hi honey - I'm home.") And I never stopped. I was/am a Spike lova' for sure, but I never thought she was a bad person for how she treated him. Girl was f-ed up and all torn out of heaven, yo. Even when Buffy is acting stupid I still can barely stand to watch episodes like DMP or (shudder) Empty Places, because, you know, DO NOT FUCK WITH MY GIRL.

Exception to the DNF with my Girl Rule: I totally cheered Dark!Willow on in Two to Go when she was kicking Buffy's ass - not so much because I wanted her to win, just because - AH did such a fan-fricking-tastic job being a badass and you could really understand how after all those years, Willow would be pissed at being a sidekick.

Regarding the "giving people you're not interested in a chance" discussion: This drives me nuts. I hate when a guy expresses interest in you and when you turn him down nicely, you get the barrage of questions. "Are you dating someone else?" "Are you gay?" Blah, blah, blah. Dude, I don't have to have a reason for turning you down other than I'm not interested. I hate the implication that if you're a single woman, then you are obligated to date any man that asks you out. It's offensive. There, now I feel better.

And for the record? Yes, I have a girlfriend, thank you very much.

I'm with you Gloomcookie. I've been handed the idea that there's something wrong with me when I don't want a guy that's interested in me. Which is ever so likely to make me say cruel things like "No, dude, there's something wrong with YOU."

Yeah, I guess they'd prefer brutal honesty, right? A laundry list of the reasons that you don't want to go out with them. That'd go over really well, I'm sure.

I hate the implication that if you're a single woman, then you are obligated to date any man that asks you out. It's offensive.

Amen.

I mean, you can like a guy, love him, adore him, esteem him ... and not be attracted to him.

cf most of my male friends.

It just happens weird.

And it does happen in the other direction too.