I hate the whole 'lets be friends' excuse. But for Buffy/Xander I think it ended up being for the best. Look at ME relationships, even the strongest ones and see how bad that would have fucked up the entire dynamics of the Scoobies. She still should have gave him a shot though back in high school.

Still bugs me that she wouldn't go out with him but she would nail 2 vampires and a Psyc TA.

(Well, minus When She Was Bad.)

Totally, but she was pretty bad to everyone. But for me that's kinda tempered with stuff like 1) the daydream about Giles/The Master killing her and 2) Her smashing the bones to powder at the end. 3) While she's obsessively working out and telling Giles "I'll be ready." It's like she's trying to convince herself. She was freaked out and scared and not sure who she could rely on or even if she could rely on herself. I think had she not had her friends and Giles, that could've turned her Faith-like.

See, I wasn't bothered by her in S4. She was distracted by her shiny new Riley-shaped toy. Happens to everyone, you know? I didn't get the feeling that she was doing it on purpose, the way I did in S7.

just couldn't move him to the love interest place

I see it this way as well. You cannot make yourself have romantic feelings for someone, even if they might be the "best" choice for you. I think Buffy saw Xander the same way she saw Willow, as a friend, right from the beginning. She simply couldn't change that. Plus, she knew how Willow felt about Xander and she didn't want to see Willow hurt.

I still think that Buffy/Xander sex on top of a pile of ashes(Spike or Angel) would have been the hottest thing in recorded television history.

Still bugs me that she wouldn't go out with him but she would nail 2 vampires and a Psyc TA.

She wanted to have sex with them. She didn't want to have sex with Xander. What should she have done, led him on and pretended that she wanted something she didn't? More hurt feelings in the long run.

But for me that's kinda tempered

Oh, sure. I think When She Was Bad is kind of over the top, but I'm willing to excuse the occasional bad behavior resulting from trauma. That's just the only big example of Buffy taking advantage of Xander's feelings for her.

She still should have gave him a shot though

When's the last time you gave someone you weren't interested in a shot? Especially when a good friendship (and perhaps saving the world) was on the line?

I've bristled every time it's been suggested I give a guy "a chance" when I my reasons for not doing so are a simple lack of attraction. Buffy doesn't have a responsibility to the men attracted to her, not one like that.

I still think that the whole Dawn's crush on Xander means that Buffy actually had feelings of attraction towards him at one time or another too. You know the whole, Dawn was made from Buffy idea. I may be reaching here, but it is all I have left now.

Then again Buffy was never a klepto so my fanwank is short lived.

I know different folks have different takes on potential relationships, but aside from "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered" I think the writers and cast were very careful to never portray any mutual attraction between Buffy and Xander. They established that "you're like one of the girls!" dynamic very early on, and never wavered.

Then again Buffy was never a klepto so my fanwank is short lived.

I believe she was, in LA, but I can't think of the reference right now.