Aww, see I felt for them both. I think she was pretty comfortable with him as a friend (a much needed friend with all the crap she was dealing with), and just couldn't move him to the love interest place. I think she felt bad about it too, when she realized how different his feeling for her were.

I think she probably knew there was a bit of a crush, but I don't think she knew how deep it was.

I dunno. It's not Buffy's fault if the feelings aren't there for her, and for a sixteen-year-old I think she handled that whole situation with a great deal of grace. (Well, minus When She Was Bad.)

Me too. I liked her best in Season 6, although I think my liking of her started when her mother died. Before that I didn't dislike her, she just wasn't a character I could identify with.

Season 4 really diluted the affection I had for Buffy... she grew distant from Joyce, Giles, and her friends, and it didn't seem to have a good reason like her coldness in Season 6 did. But despite my lower overall opinion of Season 5, the misery she suffered in "The Body" was real enough that it would have made me sympathize with Jesse Helms.

I think the Xander thing turned out quite well, if we accept that she simply had no romantic feelings for him. Sure, there was that resentment of all her too-more-than-human men, but friendships should stay that solid in real life, after romantic disappointment, huh?

I hate the whole 'lets be friends' excuse. But for Buffy/Xander I think it ended up being for the best. Look at ME relationships, even the strongest ones and see how bad that would have fucked up the entire dynamics of the Scoobies. She still should have gave him a shot though back in high school.

Still bugs me that she wouldn't go out with him but she would nail 2 vampires and a Psyc TA.

(Well, minus When She Was Bad.)

Totally, but she was pretty bad to everyone. But for me that's kinda tempered with stuff like 1) the daydream about Giles/The Master killing her and 2) Her smashing the bones to powder at the end. 3) While she's obsessively working out and telling Giles "I'll be ready." It's like she's trying to convince herself. She was freaked out and scared and not sure who she could rely on or even if she could rely on herself. I think had she not had her friends and Giles, that could've turned her Faith-like.

See, I wasn't bothered by her in S4. She was distracted by her shiny new Riley-shaped toy. Happens to everyone, you know? I didn't get the feeling that she was doing it on purpose, the way I did in S7.

just couldn't move him to the love interest place

I see it this way as well. You cannot make yourself have romantic feelings for someone, even if they might be the "best" choice for you. I think Buffy saw Xander the same way she saw Willow, as a friend, right from the beginning. She simply couldn't change that. Plus, she knew how Willow felt about Xander and she didn't want to see Willow hurt.

I still think that Buffy/Xander sex on top of a pile of ashes(Spike or Angel) would have been the hottest thing in recorded television history.

Still bugs me that she wouldn't go out with him but she would nail 2 vampires and a Psyc TA.

She wanted to have sex with them. She didn't want to have sex with Xander. What should she have done, led him on and pretended that she wanted something she didn't? More hurt feelings in the long run.

But for me that's kinda tempered

Oh, sure. I think When She Was Bad is kind of over the top, but I'm willing to excuse the occasional bad behavior resulting from trauma. That's just the only big example of Buffy taking advantage of Xander's feelings for her.