By time I finally delurked I had been reading about everyone here forever. I was that creepy stalker stranger that knows your birthday and favorite color but you've never seen them before.

Tina is me, but I'm not much for running up and introducing myself to strangers in real life either. Jumping in here is sometimes a lot like double dutch, and it's hard to get the rhythm.

But all those things are formed by the words in the box, except the issues, and as I said, if more than one person is having tone issues, then the words in the box probably have a lot more to do with it than the issues of an individual poster.

I agree with this, and I think topic may come into play as well. With the subject that was at hand (the war, do we belong there, etc.), people were already getting a bit tetschy (I know I was - it's one of the reasons I decided to get off-line and go to bed). When discussing hot button topics I would hope I was at least aware that I should tread lightly.

A newbie might not be aware that gerunds are a hot button issue around here, but I would hope they'd realize that politics, almost by definition, is a hot button issue just about everywhere.

I'm not sure that said what I wanted it to say, but it's as close as I can get this close to the end of the work day. Any way, I know a few occasions where I've done my own cha-cha thorugh the guac. I like to think of it as a rite of passage. I just hope I've avoided stumbling through it too much during my time here.

eta and "Lurk before you leap" definitely did me a world of good before I joined officially here.

It seems to me that there were a lot of people delurking recently and none had the kind of trouble beej had--maybe she came on too strongly. I dunno.

She raised my hackles because not only did she seem like she was coming on too strongly, but on her first day she was excitedly burbling in the F2F thread about how excited she was to go to the F2F. Excitement is good, but my exact reaction was "Who are you? Do you know us? Do you realize that this event is not a con, but more of a yearly meeting of people who already know each other? Do you realize your helpful suggestions sound like you want to take over because You Know Best?"

To me, she seemed not only determined to become bestest friends with us, but wanted to tell us how we should think about things. Those two behaviours made me twitch.

I went back and read the stuff in Minearverse. I don't think she was jumped on, I think it just seemed like it due to x-postings. Also, I think the fact that there have been other newbies who have been posting about all sorts of things and not raised the hackles of a cross-section of the board is pretty telling.

Jumping in here is sometimes a lot like double dutch, and it's hard to get the rhythm.

Tina and Ginger are me.

I have lurked since TT days, with the occasional smattering of posts. A while back there was a discussion about making the site navigation easier for newbies and I wanted to say, how about toning down the "welcome wagon", but did not know a nice way to say it, so I kept quiet.

I adore this forum, hence the lurkage, but there are times when it feels like if you are not part of the inner circle, you are not welcome.

Frank! What's all that green on your face?

t ducks flying bowl of guac

I wanted to say, how about toning down the "welcome wagon", but did not know a nice way to say it, so I kept quiet.

Could you give an example of what you see as "welcome wagon" behavior? I think I know what you mean, but I'm not sure.

Much has been said here by many people. There's no need at all for me to weigh in. So my opinion is that things really weren't handled that badly by anyone concerned. Granted, my previous board (like many people's) was more flamey than this one, but really the level of smackdown here was piss-weak compared to some of the stoushes between longterm members in this very thread.

Not that I can blame Beej either, things look different from the outside. And tone is a tricky thing, yo, as is quite likely exemplified by a whitebread uptight Antipodean saying 'yo'. There were hand gestures too. I'm pretty sure I got them wrong.

I agree that things have become pricklier of late, and I do think that's largely driven by external events. Ah well. We do still seem to be able to add newbies to the list of regulars. There's bound to be an element of luck involved. I don't doubt there are people who'd fit in here fine, but got off on the wrong foot and so it just never clicked.

Ultimately, I think reminders of basics like general courtesy and thoughtfulness and all that are useful, but I don't think there's any systemic problem here. Just maybe an unfortunate incident of indeterminate origin.

And now we can all marvel at just how superfluous this post really was. Oh, and FWIW, I'm glad I took the time to get past newbie status. I like it here.

I don't think this is a newbie issue, per se, but it's magnified because it happened to a newbie. As others have pointed out, smackdowns happen, but when they happen to the Old Coots of the Phoenix(TM), we don't come over and discuss it here (meaning the right-hand threads).

Okay, Beej, a newbie, got smacked down. On the other hand, KristinT had the best de-lurking day ever, and has been a delight ever since. If we'd been harshing on all the recently-new folk (of which there are a decent handful), then I'd say we're a bunch of dicks toward newbies. But that hasn't happened, and we're not.

Also, I suppose it's worth noting that I tipped over the guacamole a couple of times when I showed up, at least once that got me snarked about quite heavily. A good many of those people who snarked about me on that occasion are among my favorite people here, and are (from what I understand) pretty fond of me, too.

Quiet, you!

This is in the site ettiquette, by the way:

There are no short cuts to fitting in. And when you're one of eight hundred registrations and a couple of hundred active posters? The onus is going to rest entirely in your lap.

Good to remember.

There is tone, and yes, it may be in the eye of the beholder, but it's still a factor.

Seconded. Choice of words also sets a tone.

Yes, indeed. Tone is WAY more than vocal inflection. From how incredibly articulate we all are, that should be obvious.

Frank! What's all that green on your face?

Who put all these bowls of guac on the floor? It's a trap, I tell you. And avacado death-trap.

Well, see, this is why I had not posted the comment back then, and I really hesitated about posting it now. I don't have a solid example to cite.

Some newbies have come in and been welcomed with open arms, KirstenT comes to mind. But this is quite the exception.