Much has been said here by many people. There's no need at all for me to weigh in. So my opinion is that things really weren't handled that badly by anyone concerned. Granted, my previous board (like many people's) was more flamey than this one, but really the level of smackdown here was piss-weak compared to some of the stoushes between longterm members in this very thread.

Not that I can blame Beej either, things look different from the outside. And tone is a tricky thing, yo, as is quite likely exemplified by a whitebread uptight Antipodean saying 'yo'. There were hand gestures too. I'm pretty sure I got them wrong.

I agree that things have become pricklier of late, and I do think that's largely driven by external events. Ah well. We do still seem to be able to add newbies to the list of regulars. There's bound to be an element of luck involved. I don't doubt there are people who'd fit in here fine, but got off on the wrong foot and so it just never clicked.

Ultimately, I think reminders of basics like general courtesy and thoughtfulness and all that are useful, but I don't think there's any systemic problem here. Just maybe an unfortunate incident of indeterminate origin.

And now we can all marvel at just how superfluous this post really was. Oh, and FWIW, I'm glad I took the time to get past newbie status. I like it here.

I don't think this is a newbie issue, per se, but it's magnified because it happened to a newbie. As others have pointed out, smackdowns happen, but when they happen to the Old Coots of the Phoenix(TM), we don't come over and discuss it here (meaning the right-hand threads).

Okay, Beej, a newbie, got smacked down. On the other hand, KristinT had the best de-lurking day ever, and has been a delight ever since. If we'd been harshing on all the recently-new folk (of which there are a decent handful), then I'd say we're a bunch of dicks toward newbies. But that hasn't happened, and we're not.

Also, I suppose it's worth noting that I tipped over the guacamole a couple of times when I showed up, at least once that got me snarked about quite heavily. A good many of those people who snarked about me on that occasion are among my favorite people here, and are (from what I understand) pretty fond of me, too.

Quiet, you!

This is in the site ettiquette, by the way:

There are no short cuts to fitting in. And when you're one of eight hundred registrations and a couple of hundred active posters? The onus is going to rest entirely in your lap.

Good to remember.

There is tone, and yes, it may be in the eye of the beholder, but it's still a factor.

Seconded. Choice of words also sets a tone.

Yes, indeed. Tone is WAY more than vocal inflection. From how incredibly articulate we all are, that should be obvious.

Frank! What's all that green on your face?

Who put all these bowls of guac on the floor? It's a trap, I tell you. And avacado death-trap.

Well, see, this is why I had not posted the comment back then, and I really hesitated about posting it now. I don't have a solid example to cite.

Some newbies have come in and been welcomed with open arms, KirstenT comes to mind. But this is quite the exception.

FTR, re-reading the Minearverse, I don't think Beej was jumped on either. Had she hung around for a post or two after her dramatic exit she might have gotten a better sense of what we're about.

Had she hung around for a post or two after her dramatic exit she might have gotten a better sense of what we're about.

Yeah, but that tends to ruin dramatic exits.

Tone is WAY more than vocal inflection. From how incredibly articulate we all are, that should be obvious.

For example, I could consider this to be an obvious shot at me.

But I won't.

(Honest. Just pointing out that it really isn't as obvious as the poster might think.)

It's a trap, I tell you. And avacado death-trap.

Oh, you also remember interior decorating fashions of the '70s?

My family was more into harvest gold, actually.

She raised my hackles because not only did she seem like she was coming on too strongly, but on her first day she was excitedly burbling in the F2F thread about how excited she was to go to the F2F. Excitement is good, but my exact reaction was "Who are you? Do you know us? Do you realize that this event is not a con, but more of a yearly meeting of people who already know each other? Do you realize your helpful suggestions sound like you want to take over because You Know Best?"

Yes! Yes! This. Put my back up immediately. And then when she started spamming her website and "service," I lost all perspective. I did scroll past every post with her name on it, but I could tell others were attempting to be polite and respond to her, and it didn't seem to go well.

I think, really, anyone is due a certain courtesy. If they are, or remain ignorant of the courtesy being accorded them, they need just a little rap with the cluestick.

There's a lot more of us than there used to be, and a lot more perspectives. While that's exciting and valuable, it's also mined with possibilities for misunderstanding. I would say what Katie took exception to to anyone I've been posting with for awhile, I'd expect you to know me well enough to get my tone. Not so much a new poster--but even then, most newbies pick up tone from how others respond.

I don't know. I don't want to chase every newbie screaming from the board, but I don't want to have to hand-hold every one of them, either. They should be able to grasp culture from the flow in progress. If they don't, a little gentle guidance shouldn't be perceived as "piling on." And I'm more in favor of stepping in with a request for clarification early rather than late, because by the time somebody's gotten on my last nerve, several other people are probably frothing. Or on a bad day, it's me frothing.

I still maintain that half--or nearly--of the responsibility for being clearly understood and for fitting in belongs to anyone who delurks. Most handle it, some with some bumps, but they handle it. The rest never will, and maybe shouldn't. It's a bad fit.

Yeah, but that tends to ruin dramatic exits.

Well, sure, but the flouncing off in a huff kinda put the kibosh on any sympathy I might have had.