Important stuff first:
Jessica: I believe you, I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry that my reaction to that post was both much delayed and ineffective.
Juliana: I believe you, and I'm so very sorry that happened to you.
Barb: I believe you, and I cannot imagine what having my career involved in something like this would be like; I am very glad you're not in close genre proximity to it.
I will support any decisions the Stompies make, but it won't bring me back with any more frequency.
Less important but still relevant:
Eight years have gone by, and I still feel a huge load of anger and hurt about this, so I will try to keep my commentary brief.
This was the thread that did it for me. My post number 164 in that thread was my last contribution to the Board until my mother died in June of 2012. So while I can't say that Sunil has kept me away from b.org directly, he did have something to do with it.
A number of my Buffista friendships didn't really survive that thread. My conduct in majority-woman spaces also changed; I hope for the better. I'm a lot quieter and less effusive now.
I tried, folks. Those of you wondering why you didn't speak up sooner -- what happened to me is at least part of why. I found it was easier on my heart to walk away from a community I loved than to insist that I knew a creep-in-the-making when I saw one in the face of my friends' disagreement.
I hope this is helpful, both in illustrating the dynamic at work and for the folks who were hurt. And for anyone who was wondering why I left, I hope it explains something.
Thank you for speaking now, Karl. And (although I missed it at the time -- wasn't ever in the SPN threads) I hate that that convo drove you off back then.
You know Karl, your instincts were correct there. It's messy--I know a lot of us sort of bristle, still, at some of the more puritanical aspects still present in a lot of feminist spaces and I know for me, that can be a blind spot when it comes to spotting this kind of thing--not just here, but elsewhere, offline. For whatever that's worth.
Damn it, I hate when my gut is right about people.
What Plei said.
With an addendum of I am sorry, you were right, and re-reading that part of the thread is nausea-inducing, in these circumstances.
Oh, Karl... ::sigh::
I really have nothing else other than I'm sorry you felt that way and also, that I thank you for your words of support. I feel as if I got off easy—he doesn't frighten me and even as I switched genres to something where he in theory had more pull than I, he still didn't frighten me. I don't know—maybe I'm just entirely too cynical.
I am, also, extremely pissed off.
I feel doubly blind and stupid for not seeing it, and not recognizing it when someone else pointed it out. I'm sorry I didn't back you up that day, Karl. I'm sorry I was lax in expecting better behavior from someone who was a self-supporting and educated adult at that time, who was acting like an adolescent brat, and worse.
I love us all, and I regret my lack of awareness and support for any of you who were hurt or offended.
Yes to the proposal. (Further on fbook).
For the record, as a stompy, I'm totally good with acting unilaterally on bullshit consensus, but since y'all want to vote to codify it, that's fine. But personally, I have no issue with acting to remove a threat to the community. Our rules are set up to serve the community, not the other way 'round. That said, there doesn't seem to be a current issue actively here, at the moment. Should that change before our voting process exhausts itself, I will be happy to act at that time, and am totally willing to accept any ensuing flack that might cause.
In the event that the current procedural, uhh, process, should run into any roadblocks, I'm formally invoking the other here at this time. Polter-Cow, since there is no relevant thread in which to resolve things in-thread, and you've been referred to this thread, please consider this your official board warning. Consistent demon-like behavior has been detected, and it will not be tolerated here in our space. Invoking this in no way is meant to derail the current voting process; it should function as a corollary to that.
Was there an icon? I feel like there was an icon. I mean, thank goodness it's so long between events that necessitate this, but man.
