More later, when I can think straight and actually see the screen -- I've got something in my eye.

Yeah buddy, you aren't the only one. Lots of allergy attacks from reading this thread.

Being the nerd that I am, the image that keeps coming to mind with all of this is (Star Trek TNG video link to youtube) [link]

(ps: what is MARCIED?)

MARCIE is the cute name we gave to the obnoxious poster blocking system. It's named after Marcie the invisible girl from Buffy. It makes them blinvisible.

(ps: what is MARCIED?)

It was a name that was bandied about but ultimately rejected for the button to not see someone's posts.

Rejected because we worried it could be hurtful. Shaking my head at the irony that by either actually or effectively MARCIEing Sunil so many folks were left feeling MARCIEd themselves.

Ah, Aims, you certainly don't owe me an apology. I didn't like him immediately and was mean about it. You were right about that. But I've loved still sharing online spaces with you years later, so we're good.

Even though he gave me The Creep, I never marcied him until recently. I just shunned and ignored.

quester, that thought had done more than cross my mind.

I'd never heard of a missing stair before, but it's depressingly apt.

I feel so gross, reading about things others saw and experienced, and I was oblivious to. It's really made me think. I like to think I'm a decent judge of character, but boy howdy, I missed all the signs on this one. I'm trying to just feel appropriately shitty about it; crappy enough to acknowledge my own participation in actively ignoring signs people pointed out over the years, but not so crappy that I lose sight of the fact that he was the person choosing to act this wsy, and I'm not personally responsible for his actions.

Other people are saying very smart things, so I'm going back to listening.

(Personal note: a big thank you to everyone who's said encouraging things to me. This topic is so not about me, but it would be really crappy not to acknowledge how grateful I am to hear them, because it can't have been easy for some to offer them. Much love.)

Hate to pile on (or feed the EC, because part of me suspects that he's reading and enjoying this in a wierd way), but I remember a time in Seattle when Raq and I were walking down the street and we were suddenly aware of being followed. We turned around suddenly and Sunil was right behind us. I found it more annoying than creepy and told him so in no uncertain terms. I seem to recall Raq and I commenting that he needed social skills, but writing it of as awkwardness and trying to be funny. I then pretty much ignored him for however many years. I didn't even bother to MARCIE him, I just skimmed past his comments and rolled my eyes at his lame attempts at jokes. I am sure that I saw the signs and ignored them, and for that I apologize to those who I could have helped.

It's good to see some of y'all again, despite what's bringing us together.

hugs juliana back Don't you start, you'll have me claiming allergies for days. I have missed you so very, very much.

So, this was an interesting long weekend to be mostly off social media. I know I'm almost all-lurker-all-the-time these days but I found out this was being discussed here and I guess came to say my two cents, which is to tell Jess and Juliana specifically how sorry I am for not paying attention.

I vaguely knew about both their issues but have never really been into backchanneling and, since I personally never had any problems with Sunil and rarely crossed his path in threads (so many of these other creepy stories are new to me), I just chalked it up to younger-self social awkwardness and never sought to know more. I know I wouldn't do that now, but that doesn't really matter. I wasn't supportive then when it counted and continued to see him locally in Buffista contexts. You would think I would know better since, back in my Ascot Man days, I was in a similar situation and was so grateful for the support of the friends of the lying sack of shit who tried to sabotage our relationship—they believed me, had my back, and shunned their owned friend. I am truly sorry I didn't do the same. My sincere apology to Jess, Juliana, and any others who may have been driven away by his behavior.

More recently, I learned second-hand of allegations in the publishing world and have mostly just kept in FB contact with him because I wanted to get some DVDs I loaned him ages ago back and be done with it. But, man, fuck that shit. I'm done now. I'm a rule follower at heart, but I am happy to support whatever you all decide and/or will vote to make sure we meet any sort of needed threshold.