So, this was an interesting long weekend to be mostly off social media. I know I'm almost all-lurker-all-the-time these days but I found out this was being discussed here and I guess came to say my two cents, which is to tell Jess and Juliana specifically how sorry I am for not paying attention.

I vaguely knew about both their issues but have never really been into backchanneling and, since I personally never had any problems with Sunil and rarely crossed his path in threads (so many of these other creepy stories are new to me), I just chalked it up to younger-self social awkwardness and never sought to know more. I know I wouldn't do that now, but that doesn't really matter. I wasn't supportive then when it counted and continued to see him locally in Buffista contexts. You would think I would know better since, back in my Ascot Man days, I was in a similar situation and was so grateful for the support of the friends of the lying sack of shit who tried to sabotage our relationship—they believed me, had my back, and shunned their owned friend. I am truly sorry I didn't do the same. My sincere apology to Jess, Juliana, and any others who may have been driven away by his behavior.

More recently, I learned second-hand of allegations in the publishing world and have mostly just kept in FB contact with him because I wanted to get some DVDs I loaned him ages ago back and be done with it. But, man, fuck that shit. I'm done now. I'm a rule follower at heart, but I am happy to support whatever you all decide and/or will vote to make sure we meet any sort of needed threshold.

To all who have offered me apologies: Thank you so much for your kind words. Part of me wants to say they aren't necessary, even as I feel some part of me begin to let go of a bunch of hurt and sadness. So there's that; I accept with a very full heart and somewhat leaky eyes.

I feel a bit guilty for only popping up here in times of crisis, but it's because I do try to follow along a bit via Facebook and I hear about the big things. No matter how long it's been since I've been active here I'll always feel like this is home.

I didn't know PC very well, our time didn't overlap much. But strangely enough, even during my infrequent drive-bys he managed to rub me the wrong way several times. I chalked it up to not knowing him well enough to get his "humor." I'm sorry to all the people he has hurt.

I'm in favor of removing him from the board however active members see fit. Can someone please post a link to the voting thread on FB when the time comes? Thank you!

Hi. Ugh.

Ditto?

Had him MARCIEd, stopped hanging around here at least in part because I found him poisonous and thought it was just me, yadda yadda. I'm a bit bitter about it because I've missed your wisdom, humour and compassion. Ima try to be around more.

Note to the returning Buffistas that this is Delurking month so please update us on your lives in that thread!

I was oblivious to issues both in person and in thread with P-C. I don't think I will be more suspicious with people in the future because I am a trusting soul, but I do promise to pay more attention when others speak up.

I will say I don't recall ever hearing the "following women" stories before, so I either missed them or purged them from my memory. Those are unequivocally creepy.

A lot of people here (myself included) are saying "I wish I had known" or, for those directly harmed "I wish I spoke up" and those are natural responses but I don't know if there are any easy answers. This community has always been welcoming and supportive and it's very difficult to be that and also continually second-guessing the motives of the people who are a part of that community.

In some ways, I'm having flashbacks to when Gus was outed as a sock puppet: the same sense of betrayal, the same sense of "all the pieces were there, why didn't we put them together?"

Ultimately, I think it's because we all try to think the best of the members here, even when we disagree with them, even when they rub us the wrong way, because they're all part of the Buffista community.

At the risk of sounding Secret Police-y, can the Stompies see how many people are Blocking a specific member? I'm just wondering, after hearing about all the people who had P-C blocked, if there's a way for them to go "This person has a whole lot of blocks against him. I should look into what's causing that." But part of me worries that's too Big Brother and potentially puts the Stompies in a very uncomfortable situation.

But part of me worries that's too Big Brother and potentially puts the Stompies in a very uncomfortable situation.

Yeah, I would not be comfortable with that at all.

I don't recall the following women stories either. I have been so remote from the actual n.rg that in my head he was still one of the new kids that people were very enthusiastic about. Another sign of my age, I guess.

I know I skipped and skimmed a lot of his stories and watched his success without realizing how much he was trampling all over people and causing such pain.

I am so happy to see old friends returning and I wish that there was some mechanism by which when you are feeling turned off by a thread you've always enjoyed to figure out if is the. Onversatiln ir the. O berserk who is turning you off.

Don't want to lose old friends for new whippersnappers.

OMG, Vortex, I remember that but for some reason I'd compartmented it as not P-C. Yeah, that was weird.

P-C, if you are reading all this, I sincerely suggest that rather than trying to deal with the reaction to your behavior here and across the wider internets on your own, you find a therapist to help you.

(edited because I left out an important part)

At the risk of sounding Secret Police-y, can the Stompies see how many people are Blocking a specific member? I'm just wondering, after hearing about all the people who had P-C blocked, if there's a way for them to go "This person has a whole lot of blocks against him. I should look into what's causing that." But part of me worries that's too Big Brother and potentially puts the Stompies in a very uncomfortable situation.

I know there has to be a table in the database that lists which user ids are blocking what user ids, but AFAIK there is no function for that. Someone with actual access to the database would have to develop a query. That said, I would be very uncomfortable doing this. It's being creepy to stop creepiness from happening, and I don't think that would ever end well. You could just look at how many times a user id is blocked without including the ids of those who did it, but what would you do next? It could just mean that person is merely annoying.