quester, that thought had done more than cross my mind.

I'd never heard of a missing stair before, but it's depressingly apt.

I feel so gross, reading about things others saw and experienced, and I was oblivious to. It's really made me think. I like to think I'm a decent judge of character, but boy howdy, I missed all the signs on this one. I'm trying to just feel appropriately shitty about it; crappy enough to acknowledge my own participation in actively ignoring signs people pointed out over the years, but not so crappy that I lose sight of the fact that he was the person choosing to act this wsy, and I'm not personally responsible for his actions.

Other people are saying very smart things, so I'm going back to listening.

(Personal note: a big thank you to everyone who's said encouraging things to me. This topic is so not about me, but it would be really crappy not to acknowledge how grateful I am to hear them, because it can't have been easy for some to offer them. Much love.)

Hate to pile on (or feed the EC, because part of me suspects that he's reading and enjoying this in a wierd way), but I remember a time in Seattle when Raq and I were walking down the street and we were suddenly aware of being followed. We turned around suddenly and Sunil was right behind us. I found it more annoying than creepy and told him so in no uncertain terms. I seem to recall Raq and I commenting that he needed social skills, but writing it of as awkwardness and trying to be funny. I then pretty much ignored him for however many years. I didn't even bother to MARCIE him, I just skimmed past his comments and rolled my eyes at his lame attempts at jokes. I am sure that I saw the signs and ignored them, and for that I apologize to those who I could have helped.

It's good to see some of y'all again, despite what's bringing us together.

hugs juliana back Don't you start, you'll have me claiming allergies for days. I have missed you so very, very much.

So, this was an interesting long weekend to be mostly off social media. I know I'm almost all-lurker-all-the-time these days but I found out this was being discussed here and I guess came to say my two cents, which is to tell Jess and Juliana specifically how sorry I am for not paying attention.

I vaguely knew about both their issues but have never really been into backchanneling and, since I personally never had any problems with Sunil and rarely crossed his path in threads (so many of these other creepy stories are new to me), I just chalked it up to younger-self social awkwardness and never sought to know more. I know I wouldn't do that now, but that doesn't really matter. I wasn't supportive then when it counted and continued to see him locally in Buffista contexts. You would think I would know better since, back in my Ascot Man days, I was in a similar situation and was so grateful for the support of the friends of the lying sack of shit who tried to sabotage our relationship—they believed me, had my back, and shunned their owned friend. I am truly sorry I didn't do the same. My sincere apology to Jess, Juliana, and any others who may have been driven away by his behavior.

More recently, I learned second-hand of allegations in the publishing world and have mostly just kept in FB contact with him because I wanted to get some DVDs I loaned him ages ago back and be done with it. But, man, fuck that shit. I'm done now. I'm a rule follower at heart, but I am happy to support whatever you all decide and/or will vote to make sure we meet any sort of needed threshold.

To all who have offered me apologies: Thank you so much for your kind words. Part of me wants to say they aren't necessary, even as I feel some part of me begin to let go of a bunch of hurt and sadness. So there's that; I accept with a very full heart and somewhat leaky eyes.

I feel a bit guilty for only popping up here in times of crisis, but it's because I do try to follow along a bit via Facebook and I hear about the big things. No matter how long it's been since I've been active here I'll always feel like this is home.

I didn't know PC very well, our time didn't overlap much. But strangely enough, even during my infrequent drive-bys he managed to rub me the wrong way several times. I chalked it up to not knowing him well enough to get his "humor." I'm sorry to all the people he has hurt.

I'm in favor of removing him from the board however active members see fit. Can someone please post a link to the voting thread on FB when the time comes? Thank you!

Hi. Ugh.

Ditto?

Had him MARCIEd, stopped hanging around here at least in part because I found him poisonous and thought it was just me, yadda yadda. I'm a bit bitter about it because I've missed your wisdom, humour and compassion. Ima try to be around more.

Note to the returning Buffistas that this is Delurking month so please update us on your lives in that thread!

I was oblivious to issues both in person and in thread with P-C. I don't think I will be more suspicious with people in the future because I am a trusting soul, but I do promise to pay more attention when others speak up.

I will say I don't recall ever hearing the "following women" stories before, so I either missed them or purged them from my memory. Those are unequivocally creepy.

A lot of people here (myself included) are saying "I wish I had known" or, for those directly harmed "I wish I spoke up" and those are natural responses but I don't know if there are any easy answers. This community has always been welcoming and supportive and it's very difficult to be that and also continually second-guessing the motives of the people who are a part of that community.

In some ways, I'm having flashbacks to when Gus was outed as a sock puppet: the same sense of betrayal, the same sense of "all the pieces were there, why didn't we put them together?"

Ultimately, I think it's because we all try to think the best of the members here, even when we disagree with them, even when they rub us the wrong way, because they're all part of the Buffista community.

At the risk of sounding Secret Police-y, can the Stompies see how many people are Blocking a specific member? I'm just wondering, after hearing about all the people who had P-C blocked, if there's a way for them to go "This person has a whole lot of blocks against him. I should look into what's causing that." But part of me worries that's too Big Brother and potentially puts the Stompies in a very uncomfortable situation.