Having both of my kids finding traction in their lives is a huge, gratifying relief and balm.

That is huge. It is a delight to watch them become such excellent adults.

I suppose that all sounds dire, but I don't feel that way. Just a reckoning with age and morality. If anything my losses have sharpened my focus on the world and my friendships and family.

The mortality thing has been so much a part of my life since I was a small child that I accept it fairly well. The nearly 72 year old joints suck, but I am working on getting the most out of them. Turning my focus to my health and relationships is the goal.

Having both of my kids finding traction in their lives is a huge, gratifying relief and balm.

I've been sitting here thinking about this year a lot. 2024 was a dreadful year for me, so 2025 couldn't help but be better. Despite politics and our evil would-be despot, I had some amazing moments this year. I started it in Edinburgh at the tail-end of our trip last year for Hogmanay, and that trip was epic. The first anniversary of Dad's death passed Jan. 16 — I can't believe this will be the second anniversary — and I started to get to that point of grief where the pain fades into the background to a more contemplative loss. I miss him, but he was on such a downward trajectory that I'm glad he went when he did. He wouldn't have wanted to live the way he was at the end. I used the money I inherited after I sold his condo to pay off a lot of debt, pay vet bills, and to do some traveling, and I know he would have approved of that (though he would have told me to travel less and save more). The big trip was Drew and I taking my mom on the Viking River Cruise to Central Europe and finally exploring Bohemian and Bavarian towns and cities none of us had ever seen before. That was such a special time for the three of us, and I'll cherish it always. Our families have shrunk a lot, as I'm an only child and ND is estranged from his only sister. My mom is the only member of either of our immediate families left, and she just turned 81. It's an odd feeling. On her side, I have only one uncle left, along with my aunt and my only cousin on that side. On Dad's side, I have two aunts left along with their husbands and kids. I still have eight cousins from that family tree, but I almost never see them. Just at funerals, lately. Ugh. Because of all of this, I'm even more grateful for our chosen family — our amazing friend group remains such a comfort and source of great fun and support (and, yes, that includes our Buffista family!).

The second half of last year was mainly work and time with friends. Book and I have been doing rally obedience classes, and that has been a blast — we might even compete in a novice competition this spring! Work has been good, though I'm starting to feel the weight of the years. This is my 29th year teaching, and I have another 14.5 years left before the magic eligible-for-healthcare age of 65 arrives (as a private school teacher, I don't have a pension or insurance benefits after I retire). I love what I do, but that feels like a lot of years left in front of me — 44 years total. I'm grateful for the school breaks, as they are giving me the breathing room to keep doing this important, difficult, fulfilling job.

ND and I are coming up on our 16th wedding anniversary next week, which feels impossible, but we are still very happy together. I'm grateful for him in my life every day.

I'm not saying whether you should stay at your job--everybody has to make that call, but especially with stuff you're not loving, thinking about all the years you might have to do it is way too much.It feels like making a plan, but planning is satisfying, not like torturing yourself. Generally, at times like that, I pull out what I think of as The Omar Answer, so called from when the Wire's favorite homo-thug testified in court and they asked "How do you survive when you steal from drug dealers?" Omar says "A day at a time, I suppose." And, really, citizen or criminal, that's really all we know we have...do it ninety times and you're at spring break already, though. (Sometimes things are bad enough to go hour-by-hour, but I didn't read that, so far--I could be wrong. But you can do almost anything for an hour.)

2025 has been a really difficult one in ways I don't really want to talk about. There's a lot that's going really well on the surface but mentally/emotionally this has been one of the hardest years of my life and I'm not enjoying any of it.

I'm so sorry, Jess. I hope 2026 gets better

Hugs, Jessica.

Sometimes it's, well, I won't say "easier" to have a crisis, because it's a crisis, but things are well-defined and maybe you have an ask for if people want to circle the wagons and stuff. I think I know how that feels, Jess. Even if we're not having the same one.

Well, all the everything has not been ideal. The direction the US officially went this year is disgusting. While I’ve always seen the US as having good and bad aspects before, I’ve never been as ashamed of our leaders and the people who support them as I am today.

Personally, the big negative was losing my job. Which was entirely due to the actions of the federal government. Which is not exactly helping with the first bit. On the plus side, I got into gardening in a big way, contributing loads of fresh veg to the local food bank. I’ve gotten to know my sister and the other MI family members a lot better, which has been delightful. I’ve loved exploring the area, especially the local parks. Javier, the cat i inherited from amyth, has become cuddlier and even slightly social. I’ve made some good acquaintances who might become friends. And I’ve read a lot of good books.

I was reminded that not all New Year’s resolutions need to be punitive. So I’m thinking of setting a resolution to read one new (to me) poem a week this year. There are so many poets whose work I’m unfamiliar with, especially Americans and anyone after Edna St. Vincent Millay. I’d like to change that, and I’ll probably be asking for recs in the reading thread.

There are so many poets whose work I’m unfamiliar with, especially Americans and anyone after Edna St. Vincent Millay. I’d like to change that, and I’ll probably be asking for recs in the reading thread.

I will recommend Marianne Moore and Elizabeth Bishop.

Background on Marianne and links to her poetry: [link]

Background on Elizabeth and links to her poetry: [link]

Poetry Foundation website is an incredible resource for this kind of pursuit.

So, Tim's cancer kind of overshadowed everything else in 2025. I'm not ignoring that his prognosis was very good and his care team was top notch — I'm super grateful for both of those things — but it was still fucking cancer. Even though I'm trying not to, I'm holding my breath (existentially speaking) until the PET scan at the end of January. We have every reason to believe it'll be clean, but waiting for confirmation sucks, and my brain can go down some very bad rabbit holes. Definitely praying that 2026 will be the year of no cancer.

Alas, PT for my hip pain helped somewhat, but not enough. So I have an MRI on Monday, and hopefully it will show something easily repairable. (If it's what the symptoms are pointing to — a torn labrum — that should be able to be fixed with outpatient arthroscopic surgery.) Because I'd really like 2026 to also be the year of being able to walk more than 3 steps without pain.

I'd also like 2026 to be the year of Not Worrying About Our Health.