I'm still not looking at news or anything that could be confused for news. I am getting trickles of info about his appointees and hoping they're so incompetent as to get in their own way.

I'm getting my news the way God intended: through a combination of Buffistas, Tumblr (Destiel memes preferably), and my college roommates group chat.

AG Matt Goetz?!?!?!

Yeah, that's a tough one to take.

Erika, I haven't thought about Stuart Margolin (the fellow who played Angel on the Rockford Files) in quite a while. My mum was a huge fan. Good memories.

The family group-text has started about where my mum's family are gathering for Thanksgiving. One of my younger cousins has volunteered her place in Oakland to host. (Ok, first cousin once removed, but who's counting?) I'm having many complicated feelings about whether or not I want to go, and I don't even have the excuse of "it's a long drive/bus ride/etc" to fall back on.

Talking with my favourite cousin on the phone (!) a few weeks ago was unexpectedly emotional, as well. That's kind of how this whole thing started. Janet's been gone a dozen years now, and every time I gather with her family, there's a part of my soul that just aches.

I don't think there's a point here. I'm not even looking for advice; it's just that you folks have been with me through all of this, so I don't have to explain the context to you.

I used to say, "You know the sense of community and belonging that a lot of people get from their church or other religious group? That's what science fiction conventions are for me." But since BayCon changed management and COVID and all that crap, that's not so much true anymore.

Anyhow, I'm glad you're all here, and I hope that we can continue to give one another support and comfort for a long time to come.

I'm glad you are here too Karl!

I made apple bread. Stuck the stick in to make sure it came out clean. Did it twice more. Cooled the bread, flipped it out of the plan, and it completely fell apart because it wasn't cooked in the middle. Whole thing went in the trash. I'm trying not to view it as a metaphor for everything right now.

Mac had a blow-up of frustration with being bed-bound and unable to do what he wants (like bathe). I got a shower stool yesterday and as we have his first follow-up appointment tomorrow, it was time to attempt some sort of bathing.

I am not sure how he thought this would go. He can't put weight on his foot, we don't have bars in the tub to hold on to. He seems to have no ability to visualize what the reality of things are, so when I showed him how I best thought he could get on the stool, keep his leg out of the way and use the hand-held shower to rinse off where he could scrub, he just looked baffled and took an attitude of it being impossible. I stepped out of the way and gave him some privacy and he managed at least some form of it, but there was crutch throwing and door slamming and huffing and puffing.

FFS. I mean, I get it, it IS frustrating, but it has been 2 weeks and I can all but guarantee you I would have figured a way to get around and do stuff on my crutches in 2 weeks.

Vent over. sorry.

Karl, I'd say if you don't think you have an Angel, you are one for somebody. Or Boyd Crowder. "We dug coal together." As for the ache, is it like blues, where it is sad, but almost feels good? Or more than you could take?(Cause one might be something to do, the other might be like "Aw, dang, my allergy to bullshit kicked in again. so sad.") Msbelle, he's testing my patience and I'm not there.(Shakes disabled fist) Cleared out a bunch of books today...trying not to feel that I'm wrapping shit up.

Had an appointment with my therapist today. We agreed it's acceptable and wise, health-wise, for me to step even further back from the news than I have been. That after a lifetime, since age 18, of demonstrations and marches and sit-ins and letter-writing and meetings and fundraising, at this point in my life, US politics is no longer mine to fix. If I can manage to hold onto SS and Medicare until I die, I will be happy enough. I send newer generations my hope, strength and determination, and all hopes for their future. I'm doing this because I need some peace in what remains of my time here, and I'm good with that.

Karl, I love you. The rest of you too. My family is reduced to five members, with two conditional step great-grands. Outside of family and a handful of personal friends, this place and you people are the next ring in "my people."