That is so much, Cindy. Even knowing that your Mom wasn't reacting well to pain meds, that is so much. Very difficult even when there is love there. Hoping you do not see her like this again, It's so fraught.

Puppycat was a kitty but she passed a while back.

I thought I knew about dogs and super accidentally failed as a foster. After that, I had an unintentional dog but I love her without reservation.

Shelby (she has no nom de Net) and her interesting woes seems to be improving. It's a long road back to health for her, as you very accurately read. But here's hoping.

My mother said the pain meds she got after her breast surgery made her really depressed AND didn't help her pain that much.(there's a feature!) we are fortunate that she could just switch to ibuprofen like the native of Sparta she was somehow meant to be.(She is *hating* having less mobility and asking folks for help with the boot on...sadly,unlike in a feature in O magazine, I don't really have anything deep to say about that. Just, like, "No fooling," like Frank Zappa, which, guess Reese Witherspoon won't be adapting that.) Some people have really stepped up, but it's also kind of not enough, either.

I received cards from askye and Shir this week. Thank you very much!

Yay glad the card got there!

So either 2022 is hanging on or 2023 is just going to be more of the same. Work changed our insurance company and that dropped our contribution. For some reason even though the insurance companies didn't change the dental and vision dropped. However on my first 2 paychecks they are still taking out the 2022 amounts. I talked to HR and they sent an email. I'm going to remind co workers to check their paystubs to make sure that didn't happen to them.

And I got a cold that morphed into an ear infection...so...at least it wasn't covid.

Even though I’ve only recently heard of the term ‘goblin mode’, I’ve basically spent the last year in goblin mode; letting my apartment get to a truly disgusting state of cleanliness, while having zero motivation to do anything about it. As such, it was quite easy for me to not notice that my toilet was leaking some water on the floor each time I flushed. And when I did notice it, it was easy enough for me to ignore it.

So today, when the problem finally got bad enough that I couldn’t ignore it any more, I had a proper freak-out at the prospect of having to let the super and a plumber into my apartment. It’s not (yet) an emergency, so I scheduled an appointment with the super tomorrow, and I got my apartment to a base level of cleanliness (but not the deep cleaning it needs), which was far less effort than I anticipated. So, hopefully, disaster averted.

But seriously, I need to do something about this cycle of self-sabotage followed by intense shame that I’m stuck in.

Tom, that cycle is familiar to me as well. When you find methods to break the cycle and prevent recurrence I will be very interested to hear them.

I haven't heard the term "goblin mode" before, but it certainly resonates with me.

I think the way I broke the cycle was to get a cleaning person to do the floors, kitchen, and bathrooms. That way the day before she came I would have to frantically pick up so she could accomplish something. Seriously, I would be in panic mode before she arrived.

Laura’s way is my way except I stopped having a cleaner during the pandemic and really need to get back at it. That or having people over (which gets me to clean the living/dining/kitchen area but also just toss stuff randomly in my bedroom)

I am already goblin-inclined, and then add in another person who's also low-key depressed at every moment about not having a job, and who copes with that by hyper-focusing on things that are not cleaning. He is very good about the dishes and laundry, thankfully.

Ugh Tom I have so been there. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

I don’t know if ideas are helpful so ignore if not but some things from my claw back out process. Maybe try to find a couple of super easy small rituals like “I keep this one two foot area of the counter clear” or “while the coffee brews I pick up trash”. if that sort of thing works for you. The cleaning person thing definitely helps.

That’s all symptoms I think, but sometimes that’s a step.