Even though I’ve only recently heard of the term ‘goblin mode’, I’ve basically spent the last year in goblin mode; letting my apartment get to a truly disgusting state of cleanliness, while having zero motivation to do anything about it. As such, it was quite easy for me to not notice that my toilet was leaking some water on the floor each time I flushed. And when I did notice it, it was easy enough for me to ignore it.

So today, when the problem finally got bad enough that I couldn’t ignore it any more, I had a proper freak-out at the prospect of having to let the super and a plumber into my apartment. It’s not (yet) an emergency, so I scheduled an appointment with the super tomorrow, and I got my apartment to a base level of cleanliness (but not the deep cleaning it needs), which was far less effort than I anticipated. So, hopefully, disaster averted.

But seriously, I need to do something about this cycle of self-sabotage followed by intense shame that I’m stuck in.

Tom, that cycle is familiar to me as well. When you find methods to break the cycle and prevent recurrence I will be very interested to hear them.

I haven't heard the term "goblin mode" before, but it certainly resonates with me.

I think the way I broke the cycle was to get a cleaning person to do the floors, kitchen, and bathrooms. That way the day before she came I would have to frantically pick up so she could accomplish something. Seriously, I would be in panic mode before she arrived.

Laura’s way is my way except I stopped having a cleaner during the pandemic and really need to get back at it. That or having people over (which gets me to clean the living/dining/kitchen area but also just toss stuff randomly in my bedroom)

I am already goblin-inclined, and then add in another person who's also low-key depressed at every moment about not having a job, and who copes with that by hyper-focusing on things that are not cleaning. He is very good about the dishes and laundry, thankfully.

Ugh Tom I have so been there. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

I don’t know if ideas are helpful so ignore if not but some things from my claw back out process. Maybe try to find a couple of super easy small rituals like “I keep this one two foot area of the counter clear” or “while the coffee brews I pick up trash”. if that sort of thing works for you. The cleaning person thing definitely helps.

That’s all symptoms I think, but sometimes that’s a step.

I found Copperbadge’s Salty Pirates (National Clean Your Home month—NaClYoHo) helpful in getting from years of creeping mess and grime to a base level of clean. Every day there’s between 10 minutes and 2 hours of cleaning tasks scheduled around other things. If your day is full of other stuff, you do a 10 minute task, and you’re done with cleaning for the day. It’s surprisingly restful to look at the corner or closet of doom and think, “that is Saturday and Sunday—my 2-hour task days—and not my problem today”. Especially if the alternative has been looking there and thinking, “I’m such a slob. Why haven’t I taken care of that?” I haven’t taken care of it because it’s not on the schedule for today. I did today’s task and can spend the evening playing video games with No Guilt.

I expect you don’t have to wait until Nov. to do it, although I found the NaClYoHo tag on tumblr gave me a sense of community.

For things like doing the dishes (or at least getting them shut away in the washer) before bed, the concept of doing future me a solid has been surprisingly motivating. Turns out I’m kinda fond of future me, and every now and then I thank past me for helping.

I think the way I broke the cycle was to get a cleaning person to do the floors, kitchen, and bathrooms. That way the day before she came I would have to frantically pick up so she could accomplish something. Seriously, I would be in panic mode before she arrived.

Also, I had two cleaners. One that I had come in and do the really hardcore deep clean, and then I called someone ELSE and pretended that I had always been this clean. After that, I half assed tidied before they came every two weeks.

After that, I half assed tidied before they came every two weeks.

We were new enough to this place that I didn't have to call in a deep cleaner first, but, yes, same re: half-assed tidying every two weeks now, a.k.a. cleaning for the cleaners. I plan game nights here and such around their schedule.

It's the only thing that makes me declutter/tidy, and cleaners will be the last "want" (vs. "need") to leave the budget should we require massive belt tightening. Truly, I would feel right about moving them to the need level. Not even kidding.

Also, I had two cleaners. One that I had come in and do the really hardcore deep clean, and then I called someone ELSE and pretended that I had always been this clean.

This is honestly genius.