the person who left before me wrote CROATOAN on the whiteboard on his way out.

You have given me an idea.

For me, 2020 was the year that might have been. I dipped my toe into the dating pool in late 2019 after the property settlement was signed. The divorce became final at the end of January. (I found out via text from my lawyer. At the time, I was sitting on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.) So I was ready to start building a life again.

And then the lockdown hit. I've been more or less a hermit since the middle of March, at least as far as in-person interaction goes. I'm strongly introverted, so it wasn't the worst thing in the world for me -- but I'm feeling more and more alone in the world.

The CIDP is under control, more or less. The infusions have helped to repair some of the nerve damage. Even without the braces, I can stand still -- when I was diagnosed, I couldn't. I also don't use the cane for short distances, which is most of the time. But I still have nerve damage in my feet, and it's doubtful whether I'll ever be able to run again. And whether it's the CIDP or the lack of moving around, I tire very quickly when I try to walk anywhere.

Finally, I'm not sure whether this last belongs in 2020 or 2021, but I'm retiring after 32 years of working for the federal government. My last day is December 31. So I'll have to go in to the office for at least one day to clean out my office.

It seems some have missed the important memo regarding impact > intent. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean to hurt someone with your words. The fact is that you did. The proper response is, “I’m so sorry I hurt you. Thank you for letting me know why my words were hurtful so that I won’t continue to cause harm, however unintentionally. I know it wasn’t easy to speak up and I appreciate you taking the time.” I’m really surprised and sad this wasn’t the first response, honestly. We all have a lot to learn and we all make mistakes. We show who we truly are by how we handle those mistakes. I’m sorry, sj, and I hope it was okay for me to speak up.

I was pointed here years back to watch and learn and I love it: [link]

One more thing for future reference: deleting posts in a crucial conversation like this one defeats the work put in by folks to educate. The conversation should be preserved to continue the education. I’ve stepped in it many times and fully expect that I will again. I’m grateful for folks in the affected communities who are willing to educate me.

Oh good. More input about my bad behavior. This has gone on for days. It’s too much. Public humiliation is the worst thing that can happen to me, so consider my ass well kicked.

I’ll be leaving now.

Whether or not this conversation is relevant, it really doesn't belong in this thread. Everyone has said their piece, and I think it would be a good idea to let it go (or discuss it elsewhere). I'd like everybody to feel they can come here and say goodbye to one of the shittiest, scariest years we've ever known. And maybe remember that the whole world is one big raw nerve right now, and we love each other even when we're all raw and hurting, too.

My horrible offense was saying "calling Donald Trump a baby is an insult to babies". I was then piled on by several people. Yes, I feel terrible when anyone I love, which incudes Buffistas, is hurt by my words. No, I do not feel my words warranted the attacks that followed.

Apparently my relationship with Buffistas is another casualty of 2020. Call me a snowflake, but I can't stay where I feel so attacked.

Y'all. This is not about humiliation. It's about how we handle a call out. Doubling down and being defensive is not helpful. It does belong in this thread because that's where the issue arose. Please, stop being defensive and listen. You are not bad people, quite the opposite. No one attacked anyone. We all make mistakes. It's not the end of the world.

It's not even about individual people. It's about a member of a marginalized group raising awareness for all of us.

This is really distressing. I'm sure no one intended harm, and no one intended to shame anyone else. Can we discuss it somewhere?

I know the posts have been deleted but I saw sj’s remark as a gentle reminder—not an attack.

And frankly, her life experience takes precedence over someone’s right to tell a “joke” as they interpret it.

Is it worth doubling down to make sj feel miserable?

Yes, 2020 is a shit show and I’m glad it’s on the way out. But I don’t think we need to turn on each other before it ends.

Can we discuss it somewhere?

Bureaucracy? I don't know if that would be the right place,but it occurred to me as a possibility.