It seems some have missed the important memo regarding impact > intent. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean to hurt someone with your words. The fact is that you did. The proper response is, “I’m so sorry I hurt you. Thank you for letting me know why my words were hurtful so that I won’t continue to cause harm, however unintentionally. I know it wasn’t easy to speak up and I appreciate you taking the time.” I’m really surprised and sad this wasn’t the first response, honestly. We all have a lot to learn and we all make mistakes. We show who we truly are by how we handle those mistakes. I’m sorry, sj, and I hope it was okay for me to speak up.

I was pointed here years back to watch and learn and I love it: [link]

One more thing for future reference: deleting posts in a crucial conversation like this one defeats the work put in by folks to educate. The conversation should be preserved to continue the education. I’ve stepped in it many times and fully expect that I will again. I’m grateful for folks in the affected communities who are willing to educate me.

Oh good. More input about my bad behavior. This has gone on for days. It’s too much. Public humiliation is the worst thing that can happen to me, so consider my ass well kicked.

I’ll be leaving now.

Whether or not this conversation is relevant, it really doesn't belong in this thread. Everyone has said their piece, and I think it would be a good idea to let it go (or discuss it elsewhere). I'd like everybody to feel they can come here and say goodbye to one of the shittiest, scariest years we've ever known. And maybe remember that the whole world is one big raw nerve right now, and we love each other even when we're all raw and hurting, too.

My horrible offense was saying "calling Donald Trump a baby is an insult to babies". I was then piled on by several people. Yes, I feel terrible when anyone I love, which incudes Buffistas, is hurt by my words. No, I do not feel my words warranted the attacks that followed.

Apparently my relationship with Buffistas is another casualty of 2020. Call me a snowflake, but I can't stay where I feel so attacked.

Y'all. This is not about humiliation. It's about how we handle a call out. Doubling down and being defensive is not helpful. It does belong in this thread because that's where the issue arose. Please, stop being defensive and listen. You are not bad people, quite the opposite. No one attacked anyone. We all make mistakes. It's not the end of the world.

It's not even about individual people. It's about a member of a marginalized group raising awareness for all of us.

This is really distressing. I'm sure no one intended harm, and no one intended to shame anyone else. Can we discuss it somewhere?

I know the posts have been deleted but I saw sj’s remark as a gentle reminder—not an attack.

And frankly, her life experience takes precedence over someone’s right to tell a “joke” as they interpret it.

Is it worth doubling down to make sj feel miserable?

Yes, 2020 is a shit show and I’m glad it’s on the way out. But I don’t think we need to turn on each other before it ends.

Can we discuss it somewhere?

Bureaucracy? I don't know if that would be the right place,but it occurred to me as a possibility.

So 2020 has been A Year.

Last year had a few surprises- including M's mom moving in with , what is now her house and for what we thought for most of the year would end up being M's. It's been a year of adjustment and there are both downsides and upsides. One upside is she is always doing dishes and laundry.

My grandmother turned 100 but I wasn't able to be there nor was I able to go to Florida at all this year- Thanks Covid.

Work started off ok, around the mid-end of Feb we had layoffs. I was not laid off, but I was pulled into a meeting with the HR manager and my direct manager and told I was going to be the men's shoe specialist. It was a weird time because people were on vacation while they were moving people around and we weren't supposed to tlak about it, but then one manager type said we could and I .. opened my mouth and said things I shouldn't. I feel like I slightly damaged my reputation because of this. By the time I finally started in men's shoes it was right before we had to close so I was only there for a few weeks. The men's shoe specialist position was partial commission and with the covid changes I ended up getting a slight raise.

After we came back from furlough I spent most of the time in the men's active department, although I bounced around a bit. There was an issue with the former men's shoe specialist (who became the women's shoe specialist and Was Not Happy) but that seems to be resolved. And then I had a rather public clash with another employee I had been struggling to work well with. This somehow included EVERY MANAGER who was there, including the store manger. I was assured no one blamed me for this, there was other stuff going on but it was very ... trying.

However, things have been going up since then. Fulfilling online and buy online pick up in store orders in the store is a big deal, it's about 60% of our business since re opening (versus being around 30% prior to this). I kept helping out when I could , and doing a little more and was moved into fulfillment and just got moved into picking for buy online pick up in store. It plays to my strengths and it usually has small lists and I have to find things quickly. And I get to provide customer service when I'm on the sales floor and someone stops me to ask a question. I know it's not the most exciting or challenging job but I like it and it's fairly low stress.

I took up crocheting again, some. Have been doing a little bit of art.

M and I are still together it's been a trying year in a lot of ways, his mom living here has added to the stress (an adult child and his mother who don't really get along , in the house together almost all day ..) but we are working through it.

That is pretty much my year, although more stressful moments