Unexpectedly had some alone time in the office. Summer intern (I’m supervising) was not clear on start date and time. And co-worker took today as vacation. So, I’ve gone through emails, am doing required security online trying, scheduled hair appointment, and ordered dog food delivery. I need to get mac’s new car registered with insurance, but I left the paperwork with the VIN at home, so I guess I do that tonight.

Friday the office closed early, so I made a quick trip to the grocery and drug store before going home. Once home, my back was hurting, so I lay down for a while; the clock read 4:30 the last time I checked. I fell asleep and woke up with the sun streaming in, feeling rested and the clock read 6:30. So I decided I must have slept through the night (14 hours!) and had to hustle to do laundry (I do it early Saturday morning to avoid the crowd and get done before the laundry room gets hot). So I did my laundry - was surprised to see someone else had their laundry in the dryer - and was pretty much on schedule. Once done, I sat down to some breakfast - coffee, a pastry and my morning meds. Then I noticed it was dark outside and thought that we'd be getting a serious storm, since it was so dark. But it didn't rain, it didn't get lighter and the TV shows were not what I expected on a Saturday morning. Yup ... it was Friday evening (and I'd greeted some neighbors with a cheery "morning!" ... they must have thought I was nuts). So I had my usual Saturday morning chore done, so I could sleep late, have a leisurely second breakfast and run some errands. I was kind of disoriented for the rest of the weekend, time-wise.

In regard to the Naomi Novik/astolat/asshat confusion, I recently saw a little meme. Shows an adorable duckling with the note, "Dear Autocorrect - it's never duck".

I like to think that in the future 'duck' has become a swear word.

So I got a fitbit, mostly because my wife talked me into getting one. So far, I have to say it was a good idea because for the three days I have had it I have made sure to do some exercise so my watch won't be disappointed with me. I have been diagnosed with Asperger's (I guess now it would be called mild autism or something). I think because of that I really hate going to the grocery store, something about the acoustics and lots of people moving about. So for 34 minutes of 35 minutes in the grocery store yesterday, my heart-rate was high enough to be in the "fat-burning" zone. It's kind of interesting to see something empirical like that.

Toddson I've done something like that before--racing to get to work because I thought I was late only to realize I had only slept a few hours not through the night. Ooops.

I had a good therapy appointment. Reviewed the work stuff, talked about the progress made there, and August 1 they are going to start doing limited in person appointments with people who are fully vaccinated. I said I could show my vaccination card, would be happy to wear a mask and sit as far away as necessary. I've also moved my time from 9 am to 2 pm, which will help when I finally do go in person.

And I've been hesitant to talk about something even though I think it could be useful to people here but there is something called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, it's not an official diagnosis yet but it probably will be soon. It's fairly common with ADHD a definition of it is:

Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an intense emotional response caused by the perception that you have disappointed others in your life and that, because of that disappointment, they have withdrawn their love, approval, or respect.

It's different from social anxiety. I am pretty sure I have this based on how I match the symptoms but also there is medication that can help one of them is MAO Inhibitors. I took one of those in my late teens/early 20s, where I still had a lot of issues but I was able to do more and felt less anxiety and fearful about doing things. I've been hard on myself because it just seemed I could do things more easily and then I couldn't and why couldn't I just keep doing them?

I haven't talked to my meds person yet, I tried the last 2 appointments but just couldn't so I'm going to next appointment. It' was hard to even bring it up to my therapist. Being aware of it has made it a little easier to deal with the response I have but it still takes a lot of mental energy to deal with it and I'm realizing that this is probably a big part of why I isolate myself from people.

There have been many times in the past when I've wanted to email or message or reach out to many of you and been stopped by an intense fear of being rejected.

I feel like I'm oversharing here but I also have wanted to say this even long before I knew about RSD. I don't want to make any one uncomfortable or feel bad but it's really important for me to say this.

Yeah, hearing that that was a common co-whatever with ADHD was a real AHA! moment for me, although I haven't done anything about it wrt treatment or management or what have you. But knowing it's a thing is helpful in and of itself. I should remind myself of that more often.

That is my favorite part of wearing a fitbit, Gud, just having HR documented during random experiences. So interesting. I think you can set them to remind you to do calming breathing exercises when your heart rate spikes, although I haven't really explored that. It's a nice idea.

And that's wild, Toddson.

Todd, that's hilarious.

Suela, really hoping for continued good news for your girl.

So for 34 minutes of 35 minutes in the grocery store yesterday, my heart-rate was high enough to be in the "fat-burning" zone. It's kind of interesting to see something empirical like that

Wow, interesting. I was just thinking about all the steps involved. I wonder if focusing on the biometrics of it all can help distract from the anxiety? It would be nice anyway.

PSA: Yesterday I overheard my dad having a serious conversation with his dog about what Hogwarts house she would be. ("...Put that little hat on you and put you right into Hufflepuff, wouldn't they.") I about died trying to stay silent and not interrupt the discussion.

That's awesome, brenda!

Aww, so happy to have your dad’s dog with us in the house of the Nicests.