My mother has also expressed her wish for “nothing”.

I was grateful that during a visit with a couple of her sisters, my mom mentioned that she'd just like a gathering of people at a restaurant rather than a full-on funeral, so I was able to keep her "memorial" low-key (when I couldn't have done much more), yet still feel that I was doing what she wanted.

Sophia I'm sorry for your loss and Maria's. I'm glad she has you.

I have had no real side effects of the vaccine except a sore arm and feeling scatter brained.

I have an update on Jay. It's a bad news good news thing.

The bad news is that he has major brain damage and if he were to wake up he would be aware , according to the doctors. And knowing Jay he would be miserable. However they think his brain is slowly dying so it doesn't look like he will wake up.

The good news is Jay's girlfriend wants to adopt his son. She loves him and he has a good relationship with her and her children. Children's services has schedule a home visit with Jay's ex wife. And Jay has documentation about everything his ex wife has done since they were married.

I dunno maybe if she's deemed unfit for Jay's son it will prompt help for her duaghters .

For my family, the wake is the day or two before, where people come in and talk to the family, offer condolences, do the viewing. The funeral has fewer people attend, especially if it's a full mass.

I'm sorry to hear about your cousin, askye.

I don't know what my people (whatever Venn diagram that is) call the after funeral gathering.

Sophia, I'm sorry for your loss and Maria's, and what a comfort you clearly are and have been for both.

I know I am dealing with grief by being oddly fixated on procedure and nomenclature

I'm so sorry, askye. I'm definitely vibing for things to go well with the children's services visit with Jay's girlfriend; adoption into a stable, loving family he already knows would be a mercifully good outcome for his son from all this sadness, and if it ends up benefiting the son's sisters as well that would be incredible.

I'm sorry, askye. I do hope the powers that be decide to let the girlfriend adopt the son.

I didn't have any wake or funeral for Stephen, but his sister offered to host a memorial gathering at her home. She had a fabulous waterfront home in Fort Lauderdale and she had hosted my wedding reception, so she wondered if that would be okay. It was perfect. Same people, same setting, lots of good food and loving people. I did invite a priest to come and give a eulogy for his father's comfort, and he led the more formal aspect of people coming up and sharing their remembrances. Mostly it was just a party, and a chance for us to console each other without funeral directors or churches involved. It is what I would want for myself. Stephen himself refused to discuss the possibility of death so he was no help at all!

That's a not uncommon thing, Sophia. Kinda why we have a lot of procedure and nomenclature in the first place, really.

I hope that works out, askye.

The zero and o keys are way too close together. Who made that decision?