I wanna die in bed surrounded by fat grandchildren, but guess that's off the menu.

Jenny ,'Bring On The Night'


Natter 77: I miss my friends. I miss my enemies. I miss the people I talked to every day.  

Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, butt kicking, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.


JenP - Mar 16, 2024 10:02:04 am PDT #29203 of 30000

Wish your doctor could prescribe your partner’s Mom not making your home life harder than it need to be.

Oh, my god, that kind of doctor would be BRILLIANT. Why isn't that a thing? That should be a thing.

Loving the meal prep talk -- it's inspiring me. I like the big pot/many different frozen options plan, Jesse. I could work up to that, I think.

And the frittata for the week plan, David. I could alternate with my oatmeal so I don't get bored. I have a habit of mono-eating breakfasts, then, suddenly, I don't want to see oatmeal for months.

It's a gorgeous day out there, but/and I am comfortable and happily reading a book in bed. On the one hand, I've been able to focus on reading an actual book for, like, an hour at least, which is great. On the other hand, am I wasting the nice weather? Eh, I'll take the W for the reading and just enjoy the view for now. I'll have to walk the pup a few times no matter what, so...


JenP - Mar 16, 2024 10:11:27 am PDT #29204 of 30000

Oh, yeah, lisah, I meant to say, I would 100% want the person who is putting me under to get any test they wanted.* Also, wishing you the best getting that all sorted out. It's disconcerting.

  • ( I have decided it's OK for me -- better, actually -- to use "they" when, historically, I would have said "he or she," but the rigid "but this is how I learned it" part of me still exists. I acknowledge that part of me and also slap it down gently now. Go have a lollipop or something. Grammar hasn't t always been a certain way, and it won't stay a certain way. You're a better human this way. It's OK.)


Pix - Mar 16, 2024 10:32:13 am PDT #29205 of 30000
We're all getting played with, babe. -Weird Barbie

It's a milestone in a year when getting myself to do that basic thing -- make dinner -- has been a challenge, and I've wasted way too much money failing at that.

Oh, I feel this SO MUCH. We were doing one of the meal plans that sends you ingredients and recipes for awhile, but even that seemed like too much at times, and I hated wasting food when I didn't make one of the meals. I have ALWAYS wanted to be the person who cooks and preps on Sunday for the week and so far failed to be that person.

Sending hugs to all of you struggling right now. Dad has been gone two months as of today, so I've officially hit the point where people have...not forgotten, but are no longer making allowances for me. Not to say anyone is being unreasonable, just that there's more of an expectation that I should be operating normally. And I'm not. I mean, I'm doing okay, and I'm not feeling crushing grief anymore — I am, truly, grateful that Dad died a month after things got really bad rather than linger in dementia and/or a nursing home. But I do miss him, and I am definitely not functioning at full capacity.

I'm still dealing with the estate, of course, and the money I got from his annuity disappeared rapidly since we are existing on a single income right now and I took on so much debt to get through the last three months. It's a lot since I'm still paying for the condo expenses until we can get it sold (hopefully on the market by the end of this month). I hired an estate cleanout service to empty it, make all the repairs, paint it, and get it ready. Worth every penny, but they don't take credit cards, so it's all money up front. They finished the cleanout last week (after I finally told J he had to be out by the 5th...he apparently used the money I gave him to buy a van to live in. Don't get me started about the level of weaponized incompetence I've been dealing with there. But he's out.) Also dealing with all the loose ends of his estate — getting Dad's car paid off so I can get the title so I can transfer it to my name and sell it (another chunk of where the annuity funds went), getting his celebration of life planned this June and paying the deposit on the venue and caterer, etc.

Anyway, this is not in any way a plea for money. I have a plan and am getting through it, and once the condo sells, I'll be able to pay it all off. Just venting.

ND and I are going to Florida March 25-29 to meet with the realtors and get everything in order to list the condo. We are also planning to scatter half of Dad's ashes at sea while we are there. I'm going to mail the other half to my mom for me to scatter in Long Island Sound in June.

So there's my update.


JenP - Mar 16, 2024 10:42:20 am PDT #29206 of 30000

But I do miss him, and I am definitely not functioning at full capacity.

100% get that. And you're dealing with just a ton of stuff on top of that. I hope you guys get some down time somewhere from all of it.


erikaj - Mar 16, 2024 10:47:59 am PDT #29207 of 30000
Always Anti-fascist!

I would be kind of torn about the Lola thing, if she were my friend, because, quite frankly, denial has gotten me through a lot more than clear-eyed realism. (Although I can do both, obviously.) But I've only been responsible for kitties. If I wanted to call myself Princess Aurora they wouldn't care but they'd go along with it.


askye - Mar 16, 2024 11:00:12 am PDT #29208 of 30000
Thrive to spite them

I think a big stress has been wondering how long he is going to stay and who will be there when I get home. And if I just go with he is here until whenever it will help. But also I haven't had any time alone (except driving to work) in weeks. So I am going to start scheduling Time Alone ...where people have to get tout of the house.


DavidS - Mar 16, 2024 11:34:21 am PDT #29209 of 30000
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."

so I've officially hit the point where people have...not forgotten, but are no longer making allowances for me. Not to say anyone is being unreasonable, just that there's more of an expectation that I should be operating normally.

This has come up a few times with Matilda where she asked me to remind her teachers that while she's up and functioning at school she's still grieving and it's still really hard.

So I am going to start scheduling Time Alone ...where people have to get tout of the house.

That sounds like an excellent plan. Is it not financially feasible for you to move into your own place? Because so much of your stress derives from your living situation.


askye - Mar 16, 2024 1:18:14 pm PDT #29210 of 30000
Thrive to spite them

Moving out is a lot more doable right now. Rental prices have been high but I've seen that some have dropped. Although some of my coworkers have talked about how their rent has increased.

The biggest issue is that M's Mom can't afford to live on her own . Which is ridiculous when I say that because she gets more money a month than M and I combined but she's also really in debt. I don't know how she lived on her own before.

And I'm going to be honest as stressful as it is I like having a backyard and not having upstairs or downstairs neighbors. Or more people around.


Jesse - Mar 16, 2024 2:15:26 pm PDT #29211 of 30000
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.

For tonight's dinner, yesterday I was all excited about this tofu recipe, so I bought the ingredients today, and do I want to eat it tonight? Not at all! Hmph.


Jesse - Mar 16, 2024 2:18:09 pm PDT #29212 of 30000
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.

That's so much to deal with, Pix, especially from afar. I am already dreading the logistics after my mother dies (in many years, god willing), and I already live in her house!

The biggest issue is that M's Mom can't afford to live on her own . Which is ridiculous when I say that because she gets more money a month than M and I combined but she's also really in debt. I don't know how she lived on her own before.

That's probably related, right? She could barely afford it before, hence the debt?