so I've officially hit the point where people have...not forgotten, but are no longer making allowances for me. Not to say anyone is being unreasonable, just that there's more of an expectation that I should be operating normally.

This has come up a few times with Matilda where she asked me to remind her teachers that while she's up and functioning at school she's still grieving and it's still really hard.

So I am going to start scheduling Time Alone ...where people have to get tout of the house.

That sounds like an excellent plan. Is it not financially feasible for you to move into your own place? Because so much of your stress derives from your living situation.

Moving out is a lot more doable right now. Rental prices have been high but I've seen that some have dropped. Although some of my coworkers have talked about how their rent has increased.

The biggest issue is that M's Mom can't afford to live on her own . Which is ridiculous when I say that because she gets more money a month than M and I combined but she's also really in debt. I don't know how she lived on her own before.

And I'm going to be honest as stressful as it is I like having a backyard and not having upstairs or downstairs neighbors. Or more people around.

For tonight's dinner, yesterday I was all excited about this tofu recipe, so I bought the ingredients today, and do I want to eat it tonight? Not at all! Hmph.

That's so much to deal with, Pix, especially from afar. I am already dreading the logistics after my mother dies (in many years, god willing), and I already live in her house!

The biggest issue is that M's Mom can't afford to live on her own . Which is ridiculous when I say that because she gets more money a month than M and I combined but she's also really in debt. I don't know how she lived on her own before.

That's probably related, right? She could barely afford it before, hence the debt?

Dad has been gone two months as of today, so I've officially hit the point where people have...not forgotten, but are no longer making allowances for me. Not to say anyone is being unreasonable, just that there's more of an expectation that I should be operating normally. And I'm not. I mean, I'm doing okay, and I'm not feeling crushing grief anymore — I am, truly, grateful that Dad died a month after things got really bad rather than linger in dementia and/or a nursing home. But I do miss him, and I am definitely not functioning at full capacity.

Pix, I could have written this almost word-for-word after my mom died in Nov 2022. Truly grateful she did not linger in a dementia-like state, yes, but also absolutely gutted at losing her, and still in shock about how quick her decline and death was. I would say it was probably at least six months before I felt somewhat back on an emotional even keel, and that was with the help of a therapist; and still, of course, grieving after that as well. I was glad to put the one-year mark behind me. But I definitely felt like I'd depended on the grace and understanding of the people around me (especially at work) for a while, and it was tough to navigate, in my own head, how long I could or should expect that grace. I will say two months still doesn't seem that long to me, and of course you've got all the other legal/financial/logistical stuff to deal with too, which is taking up a huge amount of your limited capacity right now. Assuming you're talking about your job, is there anyone there you can confide in about the toll all of this is taking, who could help manage other people's expectations?

Feel free to ignore that question if you need to vent more than problem-solve. Just know I hear you, and what you're going through is really tough, and I hope some things ease up for you soon.

This has come up a few times with Matilda where she asked me to remind her teachers that while she's up and functioning at school she's still grieving and it's still really hard.

Oof. I know to some extent it's just human nature to allow ourselves to forget the extent of other people's pain, but on the other hand, it sucks that (some of?) her teachers need to be reminded. I hope she's got some people at school looking out for her too.

Jesse yeah. And she's an impulse spender so she will buy stuff at the beginning of the month and then won't have anything at the end of the month. And she did have a payment plan for replacing the roof off the addition (which is her bedroom),

The other big thing is we don't pay rent. The house is paid for so M and I cover utilities and groceries and then his mom pays taxes and insurance so it means we have more spending money than if we were renting.

Timelies all!

Been tired all day, mostly because Mr. S woke us up too early. (For some reason, he needs to use the bathroom in our room when he has a bathroom of his own.) He of course is chatty and making noise. I ended up taking unexpected naps twice today. I wish he was able to keep himself amused quietly on weekend mornings, but that isn't the case.

So I am going to start scheduling Time Alone ...where people have to get tout of the house.

This sounds like a really good plan.

there's more of an expectation that I should be operating normally. And I'm not.

I think there’s something to be said for the whole Victorian thing of wearing mourning for close relatives for a year. If nothing else, it was a visual cue that the person in black was not likely to be back to normality yet. Nowadays it just makes people think you like black clothes.

Askye, I can see where M’s mom’s money woes are a problem, but do they need to be your problem? If she’s letting the cousin move in, perhaps he can pickup your contribution and you can find a place that’s less stressful.

For tonight's dinner, yesterday I was all excited about this tofu recipe, so I bought the ingredients today, and do I want to eat it tonight? Not at all!

I had the best damn salad for dinner tonight! It was just romaine, avocado, hard-boiled egg, and grilled shrimp, with a vinagrette dressing. But it just happened to be one of those meals that turned out to be exactly what I wanted, even though when I walked into the restaurant I wasn't thinking about a salad. So I guess it was exactly what I didn't know I wanted.