Oh, yeah, lisah, I meant to say, I would 100% want the person who is putting me under to get any test they wanted.* Also, wishing you the best getting that all sorted out. It's disconcerting.

• ( I have decided it's OK for me -- better, actually -- to use "they" when, historically, I would have said "he or she," but the rigid "but this is how I learned it" part of me still exists. I acknowledge that part of me and also slap it down gently now. Go have a lollipop or something. Grammar hasn't t always been a certain way, and it won't stay a certain way. You're a better human this way. It's OK.)

It's a milestone in a year when getting myself to do that basic thing -- make dinner -- has been a challenge, and I've wasted way too much money failing at that.

Oh, I feel this SO MUCH. We were doing one of the meal plans that sends you ingredients and recipes for awhile, but even that seemed like too much at times, and I hated wasting food when I didn't make one of the meals. I have ALWAYS wanted to be the person who cooks and preps on Sunday for the week and so far failed to be that person.

Sending hugs to all of you struggling right now. Dad has been gone two months as of today, so I've officially hit the point where people have...not forgotten, but are no longer making allowances for me. Not to say anyone is being unreasonable, just that there's more of an expectation that I should be operating normally. And I'm not. I mean, I'm doing okay, and I'm not feeling crushing grief anymore — I am, truly, grateful that Dad died a month after things got really bad rather than linger in dementia and/or a nursing home. But I do miss him, and I am definitely not functioning at full capacity.

I'm still dealing with the estate, of course, and the money I got from his annuity disappeared rapidly since we are existing on a single income right now and I took on so much debt to get through the last three months. It's a lot since I'm still paying for the condo expenses until we can get it sold (hopefully on the market by the end of this month). I hired an estate cleanout service to empty it, make all the repairs, paint it, and get it ready. Worth every penny, but they don't take credit cards, so it's all money up front. They finished the cleanout last week (after I finally told J he had to be out by the 5th...he apparently used the money I gave him to buy a van to live in. Don't get me started about the level of weaponized incompetence I've been dealing with there. But he's out.) Also dealing with all the loose ends of his estate — getting Dad's car paid off so I can get the title so I can transfer it to my name and sell it (another chunk of where the annuity funds went), getting his celebration of life planned this June and paying the deposit on the venue and caterer, etc.

Anyway, this is not in any way a plea for money. I have a plan and am getting through it, and once the condo sells, I'll be able to pay it all off. Just venting.

ND and I are going to Florida March 25-29 to meet with the realtors and get everything in order to list the condo. We are also planning to scatter half of Dad's ashes at sea while we are there. I'm going to mail the other half to my mom for me to scatter in Long Island Sound in June.

So there's my update.

But I do miss him, and I am definitely not functioning at full capacity.

100% get that. And you're dealing with just a ton of stuff on top of that. I hope you guys get some down time somewhere from all of it.

I would be kind of torn about the Lola thing, if she were my friend, because, quite frankly, denial has gotten me through a lot more than clear-eyed realism. (Although I can do both, obviously.) But I've only been responsible for kitties. If I wanted to call myself Princess Aurora they wouldn't care but they'd go along with it.

I think a big stress has been wondering how long he is going to stay and who will be there when I get home. And if I just go with he is here until whenever it will help. But also I haven't had any time alone (except driving to work) in weeks. So I am going to start scheduling Time Alone ...where people have to get tout of the house.

so I've officially hit the point where people have...not forgotten, but are no longer making allowances for me. Not to say anyone is being unreasonable, just that there's more of an expectation that I should be operating normally.

This has come up a few times with Matilda where she asked me to remind her teachers that while she's up and functioning at school she's still grieving and it's still really hard.

So I am going to start scheduling Time Alone ...where people have to get tout of the house.

That sounds like an excellent plan. Is it not financially feasible for you to move into your own place? Because so much of your stress derives from your living situation.

Moving out is a lot more doable right now. Rental prices have been high but I've seen that some have dropped. Although some of my coworkers have talked about how their rent has increased.

The biggest issue is that M's Mom can't afford to live on her own . Which is ridiculous when I say that because she gets more money a month than M and I combined but she's also really in debt. I don't know how she lived on her own before.

And I'm going to be honest as stressful as it is I like having a backyard and not having upstairs or downstairs neighbors. Or more people around.

For tonight's dinner, yesterday I was all excited about this tofu recipe, so I bought the ingredients today, and do I want to eat it tonight? Not at all! Hmph.

That's so much to deal with, Pix, especially from afar. I am already dreading the logistics after my mother dies (in many years, god willing), and I already live in her house!

The biggest issue is that M's Mom can't afford to live on her own . Which is ridiculous when I say that because she gets more money a month than M and I combined but she's also really in debt. I don't know how she lived on her own before.

That's probably related, right? She could barely afford it before, hence the debt?

Dad has been gone two months as of today, so I've officially hit the point where people have...not forgotten, but are no longer making allowances for me. Not to say anyone is being unreasonable, just that there's more of an expectation that I should be operating normally. And I'm not. I mean, I'm doing okay, and I'm not feeling crushing grief anymore — I am, truly, grateful that Dad died a month after things got really bad rather than linger in dementia and/or a nursing home. But I do miss him, and I am definitely not functioning at full capacity.

Pix, I could have written this almost word-for-word after my mom died in Nov 2022. Truly grateful she did not linger in a dementia-like state, yes, but also absolutely gutted at losing her, and still in shock about how quick her decline and death was. I would say it was probably at least six months before I felt somewhat back on an emotional even keel, and that was with the help of a therapist; and still, of course, grieving after that as well. I was glad to put the one-year mark behind me. But I definitely felt like I'd depended on the grace and understanding of the people around me (especially at work) for a while, and it was tough to navigate, in my own head, how long I could or should expect that grace. I will say two months still doesn't seem that long to me, and of course you've got all the other legal/financial/logistical stuff to deal with too, which is taking up a huge amount of your limited capacity right now. Assuming you're talking about your job, is there anyone there you can confide in about the toll all of this is taking, who could help manage other people's expectations?

Feel free to ignore that question if you need to vent more than problem-solve. Just know I hear you, and what you're going through is really tough, and I hope some things ease up for you soon.

This has come up a few times with Matilda where she asked me to remind her teachers that while she's up and functioning at school she's still grieving and it's still really hard.

Oof. I know to some extent it's just human nature to allow ourselves to forget the extent of other people's pain, but on the other hand, it sucks that (some of?) her teachers need to be reminded. I hope she's got some people at school looking out for her too.