Bro and I aren't doing anything until tomorrow. He was with a client at the hospital all day and he's (bro, that is) still recovering from food poisoning. It's late and I don't have the spoons to deal with it tonight.
I haven't had any emotional spoons left for Dad for quite a while now. I know he's not being crazy on purpose, and I know he's not being crazy *at* me. But I still have nothing left for him, emotionally. Not anymore. I guess what I really need is an extra helping of grace so that I can extend some grace to him and get through this to whatever might help him.
Shrift, barging in with the past 2.5 wk experience with stubborn ass independent parents & 2 weeks in icu for the executive functional one(dad) and a good week where it looked like he wouldn’t make it. Get someone (not spouse of parent) as joints on main accounts, if possible. This was recommended by my family lawyer. My parents were amenable & there’s no drama between me and my brother, so we both were added. Did some on telebanking with dad just coming down off hallucinatory steroid doses & making really innopportune jokes. That was fun. Some with statutory POA. Tax implications should be considered but it was a nonissue for us, for various reasons. My dad is so fucking organized, I was literally walking into the icu with all the docs & numbers when he was close to dying, on the phone with lawyer. I need to get that organized.
Also, and THIS IS FUCKING HARD: you can raise concerns with the hospital that will trigger home health evals covered by Medicare. I did this. Probably one of the hardest and rightest things I’ve done. SO MUCH FUN EFFECTIVELY QUESTIONING YOUR PARENTS COMPETENCE TO THEIR FACE. I sandbagged my dads’s discharge with this. The way his face fell. I’m still not wrong. I went and ran 2 miles around the desert in boots & I hate running, after. Bless the hospitalist dr who was just so fucking kind but no nonsense with us.
They can refuse the services. I don’t know if they can totally refuse the eval visits (prob) because my parents agreed. They sent out nursing, pt & ot evaluators to the house. OT not needed. PT once a week (my dad likes that, goal oriented.) Visiting nurse 2x week for 2 weeks, 1x for rest unless changes. He’s had 2 total 15 minute visits from nice Nurse Sara (I’m Evil Fake Nurse Sara, I I’ll totally own that) and already wants to go to once a week, damnit.
Covers 9 weeks before their supplemental bcbs or Ltc needs invoked.
It’s hard. I’ve been home 2 nights & I’m waking up confused as to where I am. But you can do this. Just one day more, each day.
Also, if you want a pulse/blood oximeter monitor, my brother researched & got my dad a ring one that buzzes/lights up at a set threshold and ties to a phone app for tracking: wellue O2Ring.
But I still have nothing left for him, emotionally. Not anymore. I guess what I really need is an extra helping of grace so that I can extend some grace to him and get through this to whatever might help him.
That's a tough place to be. I hope they find a magic pill that will stop him from having psychotic delusions. But mostly I wish he wasn't such a constant source of stress in your life.
The thing is, it's not like he was a warm loving thoughtful kind father his whole life who changed with dementia. He's always been pretty shitty.
It seems clear he needs to be in some sort of assisted living situation because this can't keep falling to you and your brother.
I’m so sorry, Tep
And sarameg. But grateful for your insights.
I wish I could see more things.
I hope you get the chance to do so soon. I know it’s complex, though.
Sorry Steph. That sort of thing is hard enough when you have a well of good history and feelings to draw on. Much grace~ma to you.
Is it Laura Day??? Yay, Laura Day!
May you enjoy a fabulous, sunny, beachy day with some delicious food and wonderful company. And cake. Happy Birthday!
Thank you! I am super excited about being 70. Seriously! I'm about to go across the street with SIL and DH and have a mimosa on the beach.
{{Buffistas dealing with parent issues}} Parenting your parents sucks for all concerned.
