I managed to refrain from replying, "You know, part of your legacy as a Buffista is that when I think of the word 'cocksicle' I think of you!"

Thank you both so much for sharing this time. Death, as I’ve experienced in my life is often traumatic and angry. And it’s filled me with fear.

Although no one wants it to end, I honestly have felt peace following through this process. I know it doesn’t help or make anything better, but it has changed me. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

{{hugs to you all}}

Be as gentle with yourself as you are JZ. (Goes for everyone.)

Holding you all in my heart.

spent hours catching up here. I feel like a bone-head for not coming here with my feeling and reading all of yours. It really has been too long since our "watch and post" days. I miss everyone, I sure as hell going to miss JZ!

So glad to have you and David and Matilda and Emmet in my life.

so grateful to have all of you in my life and heart!

Wishing for the sweetest, gentlest of waves to carry her.

My thoughts and heart are in SF today. Much love to you all.

Sending all my love and gentle-passing ~ma to our beloved Jacqueline and so much love to each of you, Hec. I'm so glad you got these final days with her and memories to cherish.

As I write this, I'm half-asleep in Laura and Brendon's condo, despite the fact they are currently in New York, thinking about the love of Buffistas. As you all know, my dad isn't in great health — vascular dementia and a host of other issues from 80 years of not taking care of himself and 40+ years of smoking. We had some unbelievable luck; his part-time caregiver the past two years, James, ran into a housing issue in June, and we all decided a neat solution would be for him to move in with my Dad — no rent for continued part-time care. Not only is James a kind, ethical dedicated human, he's also just graduated from nursing school and is now a fully certified nurse. And he loves my dad like a father. Despite the fact he's going to have an insanely good-paying job as an ER nurse pretty soon and could easily move into his own place, for now, at least, he doesn't want to leave dad. So I have a fully certified nurse living with my dad, and I'm not draining his assets for his care. Just yesterday, James called me because he saw my dad take a fall while walking his dog Sonny. He rushed out with his inhaler (Dad was having an asthma attack that could have killed him) and assessed him to make sure he didn't have internal bleeding from hitting his head. If he hadn't been there, I honestly think my father might now be dead. I am deeply grateful. Please add James to your list of people we love.

Anyway, since James is in the guest room, when I come out to check in on Dad and deal with odds and ends, I can't stay there anymore. B & L live just 15 minutes away, and Laura immediately offered me their place, despite the fact they've been up at their cabin all summer. So I'm lying in their bed, filled with gratitude for the love of Buffistas, and thinking about morally elegant Jacqueline. It seems apt.

May everyone move through the next part gently, ~ma. Although I am rarely here these days, you all are always in my thoughts, and I am with you.

I’m in awe of us again. This is what we do. We are here, consistently, for each other. From afar. In person when we can. Emotionally, financially, practically. We are stewards of each others’s stories, as R likes to say.

I have a little clay penguin from one of the f2fs. I forget who made them, or which one it was. Wisconsin? Seattle? But I grabbed it and it lives on my altar, because I decided to associate it with the March of the Penguins, and how in tough conditions they take turns being on the outside of the circle and who’s on the inside in safety and warmth.

And that’s what we do. And that is real actual family. And one of the blessings of this big chosen (Chosen) family is that there’s always someone to step up, with the words and/or the money and/the listening ear and/or the practical advice. And we may be insular in some protective ways but we are also very welcoming to those who share our values.

IDK, man. I love everyone in this bar right now. Nowhere else I’d rather virtually be.