Caring for both my mom and my dad at the end felt so natural and easy. It really felt like I was caring for my own kids.
Which is nature’s nurturing instinct and part of what makes us human.
It has always felt like this to me, when caring for both relatives and friends. It is a natural process of life. Hard, of course, but resisting it just makes it such a painful burden.
I'm grateful for every motion of matter, every wave of energy, every placement of particles over time that created the universe where JZ is so well loved and cared for at the end of her beautiful journey.
I got a lovely note from Ellen S., long missed Buffista, today. I'd been thinking about her as I saw pix of her with JZ and Ed, and Teppy and Flea.
She said: "You have both added so much to my world - Jacqueline's style and 'moral elegance' (? not sure how to put it - I have always admired the bone-deep balanced decency of your interactions with others) and David's community-building are things I have always really appreciated. You both mean a great deal to this random person, and I'm sure to many more people than the many you already know of."
I have been trying to think of a way to phrase Jacqueline's particular manner of lived-ethics. How it is an extension of her faith, and acted upon in her politics. "Moral Elegance" - there you go.
I managed to refrain from replying, "You know, part of your legacy as a Buffista is that when I think of the word 'cocksicle' I think of you!"
Thank you both so much for sharing this time.
Death, as I’ve experienced in my life is often traumatic and angry. And it’s filled me with fear.
Although no one wants it to end, I honestly have felt peace following through this process. I know it doesn’t help or make anything better, but it has changed me. I’m sure I’m not the only one.
Be as gentle with yourself as you are JZ. (Goes for everyone.)
Holding you all in my heart.
spent hours catching up here. I feel like a bone-head for not coming here with my feeling and reading all of yours. It really has been too long since our "watch and post" days. I miss everyone, I sure as hell going to miss JZ!
So glad to have you and David and Matilda and Emmet in my life.
so grateful to have all of you in my life and heart!
Wishing for the sweetest, gentlest of waves to carry her.
My thoughts and heart are in SF today. Much love to you all.
Sending all my love and gentle-passing ~ma to our beloved Jacqueline and so much love to each of you, Hec. I'm so glad you got these final days with her and memories to cherish.
As I write this, I'm half-asleep in Laura and Brendon's condo, despite the fact they are currently in New York, thinking about the love of Buffistas. As you all know, my dad isn't in great health — vascular dementia and a host of other issues from 80 years of not taking care of himself and 40+ years of smoking. We had some unbelievable luck; his part-time caregiver the past two years, James, ran into a housing issue in June, and we all decided a neat solution would be for him to move in with my Dad — no rent for continued part-time care. Not only is James a kind, ethical dedicated human, he's also just graduated from nursing school and is now a fully certified nurse. And he loves my dad like a father. Despite the fact he's going to have an insanely good-paying job as an ER nurse pretty soon and could easily move into his own place, for now, at least, he doesn't want to leave dad. So I have a fully certified nurse living with my dad, and I'm not draining his assets for his care. Just yesterday, James called me because he saw my dad take a fall while walking his dog Sonny. He rushed out with his inhaler (Dad was having an asthma attack that could have killed him) and assessed him to make sure he didn't have internal bleeding from hitting his head. If he hadn't been there, I honestly think my father might now be dead. I am deeply grateful. Please add James to your list of people we love.
Anyway, since James is in the guest room, when I come out to check in on Dad and deal with odds and ends, I can't stay there anymore. B & L live just 15 minutes away, and Laura immediately offered me their place, despite the fact they've been up at their cabin all summer. So I'm lying in their bed, filled with gratitude for the love of Buffistas, and thinking about morally elegant Jacqueline. It seems apt.
