And in another post:
Apparently therapy is really working and some of the inner child, inner parent, inner adult stuff my therapist has been using that I didn't really buy into at the beginning actually works.
Yay therapy, indeed! Mine is currently in a stage where my therapist keeps repeating "that sounds very difficult" over and over until I'm willing to stop sugar-coat/find a silver lining/deny that some things were, perhaps, maybe, if one insists, difficult.
We're both resilient, but there's progress.
{{{sj}}} That space, that being-present bearing-withness feels both unbearable and like it is the only truly important thing happening anywhere in the universe.
Holding all the Buffistas in my heart right now and making extra space in the blanket fort for everyone and all our beloveds and all our good therapists and caregivers.
That space, that being-present bearing-withness feels both unbearable and like it is the only truly important thing happening anywhere in the universe.
I'm not sj, but this is so very well put, JZ. Thank you.
Epic...I hope that everything goes as smoothly as possible for you.
Shir the next step for me is when I started a cycle of sadness/angry/shame/blame and I heard my therapist say "That must have been very hard" and it derailed that thinking and then actually believed it more.
Today has been a shifty day. M, his sister and Mom got into a huge fight that bled into anything and I slipped and finally said that I felt guilty for tolerating how M talks to his Mom (I forgot to say I felt guilty for tolerating how she talks to him) and that I didn't break up with him over it when I would have if he treated me the same.
And things spiraled. And that's all I say because otherwise I'm going to massively over share.
But I wish I could point out the reality of a situation instead of whatever his sister thinks it is without her acting like I'm attacking their mom.
I'm an interloper who is leeching off their mom...or helping M leech off their mom and neither of us does anything to contribute around her.
According to his sister.
Epic, 100% here for you. (Nothing is the same from one person to another, but I had a temp ileostomy during my stuff, so I'm happy to talk about anything or share resources).
Oof, that's rough, askye.
askye, I’m sorry. What a difficult situation.
JZ, you always phrase things so perfectly, that is exactly it. It’s exhausting and hard to be there, but when I’m not there I just want to be there. We have a very busy weekend this week, and I already feel guilty that I won’t be able to come back until Monday. The hospice facility is absolutely lovely, and the staff that work there all seem to be wonderful. I know he’s in good hands when we can’t be there.
My grandparents have always had hospice at home and they've always been very lovely and caring. I don't think there is anyway to want to be there and feel some guilt for not being there all the time even if you logically know it's not possible.
Injecting a spot of good news. Pathology is back on DP's growth, now removed, and it is NOT cancer. No further follow-up up needed. What an unbelievable relief. Thanks so much for the love.
