Epic...I hope that everything goes as smoothly as possible for you.

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Shir the next step for me is when I started a cycle of sadness/angry/shame/blame and I heard my therapist say "That must have been very hard" and it derailed that thinking and then actually believed it more.

Today has been a shifty day. M, his sister and Mom got into a huge fight that bled into anything and I slipped and finally said that I felt guilty for tolerating how M talks to his Mom (I forgot to say I felt guilty for tolerating how she talks to him) and that I didn't break up with him over it when I would have if he treated me the same.

And things spiraled. And that's all I say because otherwise I'm going to massively over share.

But I wish I could point out the reality of a situation instead of whatever his sister thinks it is without her acting like I'm attacking their mom.

I'm an interloper who is leeching off their mom...or helping M leech off their mom and neither of us does anything to contribute around her.

According to his sister.

Epic, 100% here for you. (Nothing is the same from one person to another, but I had a temp ileostomy during my stuff, so I'm happy to talk about anything or share resources).

Oof, that's rough, askye.

askye, I’m sorry. What a difficult situation.

JZ, you always phrase things so perfectly, that is exactly it. It’s exhausting and hard to be there, but when I’m not there I just want to be there. We have a very busy weekend this week, and I already feel guilty that I won’t be able to come back until Monday. The hospice facility is absolutely lovely, and the staff that work there all seem to be wonderful. I know he’s in good hands when we can’t be there.

My grandparents have always had hospice at home and they've always been very lovely and caring. I don't think there is anyway to want to be there and feel some guilt for not being there all the time even if you logically know it's not possible.

Injecting a spot of good news. Pathology is back on DP's growth, now removed, and it is NOT cancer. No further follow-up up needed. What an unbelievable relief. Thanks so much for the love.

Glad to hear that, JenP!

Today perked up some. M and I talked over tacos. We saw a family - I think mom and kids and Grandma and one of the moms (or aunt) was holding a little boy, maybe 6 or 7 months old and not just bouncing him up and down but doing a very small version of Cha Cha slide.

And then M and I went and got a charcoal grill to replace the gas one and he is grilling for dinner.

Also I called the lawyer, he emailed paper work and I'm forwarding it to my dad and uncle (who is a lawyer) to look at and I'll read it. Monday the lawyer will call me back and answer any questions I have and I'll decide if I want to sign it. He cautioned me NOT to fill out any parts because it's the electronic signature and if I do then it's signed and there's no going back. So nothing filled out until I talk to him. I haven't looked at it yet because of the whole Day of Drama.

Dad called and had some questions he thought I should ask if I didn't know the answers and then he also wanted to make sure I understood that hiring a lawyer doesn't mean that I'll get everything I want or that they can help me with everything. I told him I knew, that my baseline expectations for this is: that worker's comp continues to do the bare minimum that they should; takes a long time; but instead of me trying to get in touch with anyone and panicking about what to do next I have a lawyer who does all the contacting and actually has experience with this and can give me advice about what to do next .

Which I feel is very very baseline and I'm hoping that I get more out of it than that.

The lawyer had previously pointed out that companies can't actually retaliate if you hire a lawyer but can make do other things instead of directly doing that. Today I told him that if the company wants to punish me in some way for fighting TO go back to work after I was injured on the job and getting substandard care because they cheaped out on worker's comp insurance than I will happily burn that bridge and be very , very vocal about it. Although really they do most of the work for burning the bridge I would just be pulling the trigger on the clicky fire stick.

Hooray for Not Cancer, JenP!!!