Quiet day at Chez Bee. Raked leaves, dumped potting soil out of the reservoir bottom planters and amended soil with bagged steer manure to rest over the winter (it's coming!)

Then I stacked the tomato cages, pulled weeds. Sadly the Sugru that was supposed to fix all my broken plastic stuff expired two years ago, plus I found out it should have been stored in the fridge and not the baking hot tool shed. D'oh!

Then I had my shower and read for awhile. I've only got 10 books to read before I hit 100 for 2018. Go me.

Now, wasn't that some thrilling prose?

Now, wasn't that some thrilling prose?

Well, I did like hearing what you're up to.

Katerina I feel like half the stuff on lifehacker used to be basically "buy some sugru it's amazing!" But I've never actually seen any (and am not sure I'd find a use for it?)

I am trying to taper off the hard drugs. Honestly at the moment what hurts seems to not so much be the ankle/bones as the actual incision. I mean, I can't tell, as it's behind a cast, but it feels like skin pain not bone pain. And much as that's annoying and awful, they don't normally give oxy for that.

I had a dream last night that I had an infected cut which burst, and then there was a plant growing out of it. I tried to hide it, but was also really stressed about whether to go to the emergency room or urgent care! When I checked it later, it seemed to be attached to a nerve and it was pulling the nerve out of my skin- I could see the nerves all bunched up. I though about cutting it off, but decided not too.

Um I think I am pretty stressed out about my promotion, and how it is hurting my old job, which I am still, someone unsucessfully, training someone else to do.

Oh dear, Sophia! I'm sorry you're feeling that way!

I had a dream that my new employee pulled out at the last minute, instead of starting on Monday, so, same.

I keep thinking I need to go back to therapy, but the therapists we have at work which are free seem to be much better at dealing with people with problems who they need to coach to be self-aware. I am already probably TOO self aware- I just need help! I know a couple of other people who have my same kind of mind who have had the same experience- the therapists are all like- you clearly know whats going on and what to do about it, why do you need me? Maybe because they are often referred problem employees who dont know why they are referred rather than self-referrals?

I hear you, Sophia. My last therapist told me she thought I was "on the right track" and we didn't need to make another appointment. Partly because I don't know how to stop presenting myself as a competent person to a strange professional person I asking for help, I imagine.

Had an extremely vivid dream that I was waiting my turn to exit a crowded bus. Even my subconscious is boring.

Partly because I don't know how to stop presenting myself as a competent person to a strange professional person I asking for help, I imagine.

Yes, this is part of it, too. I think I might need a coach to just tell me I am competent, and encourage me to follow through. But right now I am hiding in my bed sick with a cold that I am pretty sure is psychosomatic or caused by stress somehow. But since elementary school I have dedicated a lot of energy toward "appearing" normal, and I am really good at it, so I need someone who can break that down.

Today is my last day at this middle school I've been at since the beginning f the school year. I've been saying goodbye to the kids at the end of each class and gotten some tears--which almost makes up for the kids who go "Yay" when I announce it's my last day. Taking two days off and back to short term subbing next week. I have found out a lot more this past week or so which makes me think it's the right decision to go. I know the classroom management part of it was also a big contributor and I will have to work at that harder, but the lack of administrative support is a big issue.

Aw, Scrappy. That sounds like a tough day. Taking a couple of days before jumping back in to short term sounds really smart.

Actually also taking a sick day - cocooned in blankets watching Marvelous Mrs Maisel just like I wanted. If only some soup and toast would magically appear