Oh dear, Sophia! I'm sorry you're feeling that way!

I had a dream that my new employee pulled out at the last minute, instead of starting on Monday, so, same.

I keep thinking I need to go back to therapy, but the therapists we have at work which are free seem to be much better at dealing with people with problems who they need to coach to be self-aware. I am already probably TOO self aware- I just need help! I know a couple of other people who have my same kind of mind who have had the same experience- the therapists are all like- you clearly know whats going on and what to do about it, why do you need me? Maybe because they are often referred problem employees who dont know why they are referred rather than self-referrals?

I hear you, Sophia. My last therapist told me she thought I was "on the right track" and we didn't need to make another appointment. Partly because I don't know how to stop presenting myself as a competent person to a strange professional person I asking for help, I imagine.

Had an extremely vivid dream that I was waiting my turn to exit a crowded bus. Even my subconscious is boring.

Partly because I don't know how to stop presenting myself as a competent person to a strange professional person I asking for help, I imagine.

Yes, this is part of it, too. I think I might need a coach to just tell me I am competent, and encourage me to follow through. But right now I am hiding in my bed sick with a cold that I am pretty sure is psychosomatic or caused by stress somehow. But since elementary school I have dedicated a lot of energy toward "appearing" normal, and I am really good at it, so I need someone who can break that down.

Today is my last day at this middle school I've been at since the beginning f the school year. I've been saying goodbye to the kids at the end of each class and gotten some tears--which almost makes up for the kids who go "Yay" when I announce it's my last day. Taking two days off and back to short term subbing next week. I have found out a lot more this past week or so which makes me think it's the right decision to go. I know the classroom management part of it was also a big contributor and I will have to work at that harder, but the lack of administrative support is a big issue.

Aw, Scrappy. That sounds like a tough day. Taking a couple of days before jumping back in to short term sounds really smart.

Actually also taking a sick day - cocooned in blankets watching Marvelous Mrs Maisel just like I wanted. If only some soup and toast would magically appear

Scrappy, good luck with your next assignment.

-t that sounds lovely.

I'm watching a movie while ltc is at school. This afternoon is our last day with her sitter, and I wish I had an answer to how to have more energy.

Sorry, Scrappy.

It feels like everything in my life is on fire right now.

I'm sorry, Gud.

Good luck scrappy!

I've been off work a week and a half but doesn't count. But I feel like I'm wasting precious time off—type A much? "I should be catching up on good tv series! Or learning to knit! Or doing chair yoga!"