I am so sorry Askye.

I'm sorry, askye.

I hope you are not hurting yourself, aurelia. It's tough, not knowing exactly how hard to push your body.

So, I don't know where else to share this because it is private, but maybe some of you remember a saga of my BFF and her piece of shit husband over the last fifteen years. The past three years have been him not drinking, but also not working and her supporting the whole family, both financially and at home. He occasionally took the kids places and did the grocery shopping.

The past three years they seemed to be getting close again, and I was so guilty because I was a little jealous and also thought that he was manipulating her somehow

Well, she found out that he has been seeing a27 year old woman (who thinks he is employed) and skimming money from the groceries to buy things for that family. The 27 year old apparently dropped her wallet in the car so Maria would find out

He is now out of the house and staying with the girlfriend and her parents. I am like good riddance, but so sad for my friend who is figuring out all the gaslighting and tangles of lies. Like he took her Christmas shopping for this woman and her kids, and she bought and wrapped them presents thinking it was for her AA friends

I just want to kill this guy. And I feel horrible because I had my suspicions but they weren't rational or evidence based and you can't really hate on your friends husband. But he was semi skeevy to me 15 years ago when he gave me back money I loaned him by slipping it in my front jeans pocket and maybe I should have said something then

Does anyone know about marital property laws in NYS her brother has a JD, so I am assuming they have thought of this, but she is convinced that because she is listed as the sole owner of the house (her mom bought it and transferred it to her) that she has no worries about him being able to get any assets, especially since he hasn't worked in 10 years. I am more nervous. I thought her mom still owned the house but she signed it over last year.

Also, my godson, her 17 year old son said "I knew he had to go. Besides, Dad was funny and all, but he never did anything, and when we were little and did fun stuff it was with you and Aunt Sophia and Uncle Philip (BFFs brother)

Oh, Sophia, your poor friend! I hope she is truly rid of him.

Me too! I just get nervous he can screw things up because she and her extended family are so legal and moral and upstanding, and think fairness will always win out, and I am afraid he can make a case that she needs to give him money to live on. I am not sure he is that smart, but I think it is an argument that could be made by a good legal team.

She has removed him from the car insurance and the electricity, but cant remove him from the health insurance. She has redone her will. She can't remove him from cable because he set that up, but the company recommended just refusing to pay. She is not removing him from the mobile phone right now because she wants to be able to contact her. They have no other assets besides a 10 year old car. She thinks she doesn't need to pay his credit cards, but I am not sure. She is seeing an attorney Monday.

If he had deliberately stopped working to care for the children, or is disabled, he might have a case for some spousal support. But it doesn't sound like either of those things are the case. But I am sure the attorney will be able to speak more authoritatively.

She can remove him from the health insurance if she gets a legal separation before a divorce, but that still takes time.

Thank you. I think the reason he gave her for stoppage of work is that he thought work would make him drink again. But not a diagnosed inability to work. He went through rehab and did have a job in social media marketing before he was laid off

I think her fear is that he will become vindictive and nasty once it is clear to this new family that he is not actually working.

Sophia, if the credit cards are in both of their names (joint account), she should continue paying, otherwise it will ruin her credit. If he opened up the cards an only added her as an authorized user, then she can let them go. Joint account holders are equally responsible for paying the account, no matter who charged what.