This may or may not be relevant, but also feedback about how to improve, especially when you're doing something new, is not the same thing as being a failure. You should be learning at your new job! It's still new!

This times a million.

Jesse is a manager, you know. And she's studied management, too, which gives her a certain amount of authority on workers getting to know their new jobs!

It's true. I'm very reliable on this front.

When everyone says you are a failure it's probably true

Nobody here thinks you're a failure! To the contrary you're loved and appreciated. We know how much work you're doing on the board (among other things).

but also feedback about how to improve, especially when you're doing something new, is not the same thing as being a failure

This wasn't feedback about how to improve. This was fail again and you're out.

This wasn't feedback about how to improve. This was fail again and you're out.

You're a brand new employee. That is not an acceptable way to interact with ANY employee, but especially a new one. Ask them for written feedback. Ask them for HR documentation that states one failure is one step away from being fired. Go up the management food chain (in email, so you have documentation) asking if this is the management strategy of the company.

And no matter what answers you get, get the hell out of that job. They're not a good workplace environment.

Also, tell your wife that all of your attention and energy HAS to be focused on your work situation, and she needs to take care of everything around the house that you usually do. That this is not up for argument, this is what a supportive spouse needs to do.

Finally: YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. All of us have your back, want the best for you, and a lot of us probably want to fly out to you and have some terse but polite confrontations with some people in your life.

My wife has been great about it. I think she senses how stressful this is for me and is laying off and helping out.

That is good to hear, Gud. You need family support when starting a new job more than ever.

I agree completely with Atropa. That isn't a normal response to a new employee. I don't get involved with the new development people because that is DH's area, but I often hear him say that it takes a good 3-6 months before the new hires are up to speed on the platform. It just isn't an instant thing.

In my field ( academics) we say a year to get up to speed.

I expect 3 to 6 months for new employees.

One of the hardest lessons that I've learned is that sometimes it's not ME who is failing, but the situational factors are failing in and of themselves. I'm inclined to take Responsibility, and sometimes I can pull a rabbit out of a hat ("You never know, the horse may learn to talk") but sometimes I am set up for failure because of managerial failure.

And a big Yay for Mrs. Gud!