I scheduled my new IKEA mattress to be delivered today. I asked for 11 AM, and the nice sales person said "We'll need you to be available all day because of the scheduling," and I said OK.

This morning I woke up at 9 all on my own--how lovely when that happens--and I was just stretching and taking off my CPAP mask when my phone rings. "Hi, we're delivering your mattress, we're outside the apartment building."

I was literally still laying on the mattress they were there to pick up and take away as well. I'd been planning on clearing a better path to the bedroom and all that. So I yanked off the bedding, yanked on some clothes, kicked things out of the way, and let them in.

They hauled out the old mattress, lugged in the new one (which is in a tight roll), I signed the papers, and they headed out.

"Aren't you going to take the box spring and frame?" I asked. "Um, no, it says we're only handling the mattress. And the truck's full." Which is logical, they don't know I'm getting a new frame and everything, they're just there to haul mattresses.

So anyway, my delivery is done, I have all day to build my new bed platform, and maybe I can slide the box spring down the stairs and tumble it to the dumpster.

Work is not going great. I'm not ramping up fast enough. Think I need to work more. I don't really have free time during the week so maybe I need to sleep less. I think right now is as miserable I've been for an extended period of time. I go to bed every night not wanting to wake up.

I'm not ramping up fast enough.

When my beloved started working at the game store, he had a lot of trouble figuring out the cash register and was sure he was going to get booted for it. He worked there for ten years, figured out how to generate sales reports from the register, helped re-program the major distributor's ordering software, and became a legend in the Western US gaming industry. Games Workshop's sales people sometimes consulted him, and Neil From The Keep was known to many in the industry.

But those first two weeks made him lose confidence in a way I'd never seen. Become a legend, Gud.

What Connie said. It is way too early to get discouraged. You do not need less sleep. It is far more likely that you need more sleep. Some support and encouragement at home would go a long way too. Find the time to see a therapist, Gud. You have been listening to the wrong voices. You are a valuable person to so many. To us, to your family, to the world, and to your employer. Until you go to bed confident of this fact you need to get help.

Work is not going great. I'm not ramping up fast enough.

Has anyone said this to you directly? Or is this just how you feel?

If it's been said to you directly, that is a toxic workplace and you should think about getting out. Where I work, we don't expect new hires to be productive in their new roles for 3-6 months (sometimes even longer) regardless of their previous experience.

If it's just you saying this to yourself, DO NOT sleep less to catch up. You aren't going to do your best work while sleep-deprived.

{{{Gud}}} Those times when I feel like I just need to stop sleeping in order to actually do anything for myself are terrible. I hope you can get through this tough spot okay.

When everyone says you are a failure it's probably true

Who is everyone? We are telling you you're a good person and a hard worker who accomplishes more in a week than many of us do in a month.

How's your wife doing, Gud? I'm actually kind of worried about her, too. You know you have my admiration and support!

Gud if people at work are saying you are a failure you need to get out it's a toxic work environment.

If your wife is saying that you need to get out it's a toxic home environment.

WE are not saying that. We believe in you and know you are capable of doing this job.

Please please believe us. Also make sure you get more rest. Sleep is important.