Gud. You are a good person. Anyone that doesn't think so, including you, is wrong. It is tragic that your wife does not recognize your value, but more tragic that you don't.

Gud, how does it feel to you when we tell you that you are a good person deserving of love and support? What do you think when you read that? I know we can't overcome or make up for all the terrible things your wife says to you, but I fervently hope that you can at least hear and believe us, and trust that we are telling you the truth.

I tried to like that, Kate.

I've been in that game where I am talking about the issue right now, and the other person just says, well, I'm angry about the stupid thing you did 10 years ago!

I finally realized it is never a fair fight when you dredge up the past. Keep to the now and try to work it out and you might get somewhere, complain about the days of yore and you'll have infinite ammunition to be a bitch.

I wonder, does she have a plan other than staying in her room? I'm pretty sure the only other option would be to return to her parents. This is the behavior of an immature, unpleasant person.

So much of your wife's behavior and reaction are on her, Gud. I kind of feel that she may be using you (and the kids) as a handy projection for her own fears and anxieties... and that's a situation that's set up for failure on the part of the projectees, since it's going to be something of a game of Negative Calvinball, where the goalposts are continuously being moved without notice, and the fact that you don't know they've been moved is then held against you.

Perfect is the enemy of good, but it's not just that rule she's applying to herself, but for everyone around her that she can hold accountable. In a totally rational mind, what you and the kids do would be treated with respect and thankfulness, even if the crayon coloring strays a little outside here and there, so to speak. Big mistakes can get made, and can get corrected, but little mistakes are actually =little=.

I feel like she needs a reminder that 'love, honor, and cherish' is a vow that the both of you took.

Timelies all!

Snowing here. At least it's not sticking.

I feel like she needs a reminder that 'love, honor, and cherish' is a vow that the both of you took.

This needed repeating.

Maybe I shouldn't be talking about this at all. I don't want to bring the board down with my own problems and failings.

Gud, you are part of our Buffista family. We want you to talk about this so we can give you support and help. Please don't worry about "bringing the board down". We're here for you.

My DH told me that he realized he had to get out of his first marriage when he was working three jobs (he was working 70 hours a week) to pay for his wife's grad school, so she would not have to work and could concentrate on her classes. She told him that he had no time for her, was boring and was a terrible,partner. He said he suddenly realized that no matter what he did, it would never NEVER be enough to please her. Once he looked at it that way, he stopped the endless cycle of trying to please her and failing and beating himself up over it.

Meanwhile, my wife has decided she will no longer be part of the family and stayed at her office all day.

Good riddance! Bye, Psycho! Go torture somebody else.

looking for the LIKE button on Scrappy's post.

Gud - Have you ever called a therapist help line or gone to see a counselor this whole time?