I read the announcements about romaine, and forgot about it immediately, and got a BLTA for lunch. Pretty sure it wasn't romaine...

I need to unload some grief, please.

An old friend of mine is dying. I've known her since college. She's one of the few people still in my life who remembers the Bad Old Days with my terrible ex-boyfriend. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year, and she's already lived longer than the doctors thought she would, but now the cancer's come back ferociously, metastasized to her liver, and she's too weak for more chemo. (If the damned insurance company had approved more painkillers and the new treatment just a couple days faster, she might have been able to do it, but I can't think about that.) Her husband has been by her side 24/7 doing all the nursing, he's an absolute angel, he's already been through this when his mother died of the same awful thing, so he knows what's coming. They've been together for 20 years. They've been so good for each other. He is going to be devastated once he doesn't have something to do for her to focus on anymore. She is on hospice care as of yesterday, and no one expects her to make it through the holidays. She's only 65. There's so much she still wanted to do. We haven't been close for a long time but we've always kept in touch. She's part of the fabric of my life; it wouldn't have been the same without her. I hate that she's losing her life too soon. I hate that she has to go this way. I hate that I feel like I should go see her (she's in Texas, I haven't seen her in 7 years) but I don't want to go; I know I would fall apart. Not in front of her, but later I would. She may not even be coherent enough now to remember who I am. Her husband and I have only met F2F once and he's not comfortable with strangers and I don't want to barge in on him. None of her other friends there know me at all. But does all that make it okay for me to not go? Emotionally, I just don't think I can. I know she'd understand that. But still. Could she just not die? How about that instead.

Can you maybe FaceTime or something, Zen?

I will join the all-pie diet if I can have eggnog too.

Zen, I honestly believe you are better off remembering her healthy. It isn't likely that she is well enough to be comforted by seeing you and your loving memories will be overwritten with her current suffering. It is good to hear that she has a devoted caretaker in her husband, and yes he will be in really rough shape after. Maybe you can reach out to him and let him know you are there if he feels it will help her. And yeah, not having her die would be an really nice option. I am so sorry.

Thank you, Laura. I have reached out to him but I doubt he'll ask me for anything. I do want to remember her healthy. Snarky, defiantly inappropriate, terrible sense of humor, covered in cats, always reading, filking, beading, reading. She had a life she liked, finally, and I wish she could have more of it.

Timelies all!

I have achieved pie for Thanksgiving. Apple, because my MIL doesn't like pumpkin pie. Also, she keeps kosher, so I had to go to the kosher supermarket to find one that was kosher parve(neither meat nor dairy). Still, achievement unlocked.

That sounds like a difficult achievement, Sheryl. Sounds like a verse in Scarborough Fair. "Have her make me an apple pie, Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme, Without no meat nor cow's milk inside, And then she'll be a true love of mine."

That doesn't sound right, Theo. I hope it's clear sailing for your roommate now.

Oh, no, Zen. How terrible. Not going does seem like the best choice for all of you, but how terribly sad.

I agree, Zen. You accomplish nothing for either of you by going.

If it's something you feel you can do, write down how you were friends, what she meant to you, and share it with her husband. Knowing someone else loved her, how deeply and in what way, may help him a little with his own grief.

Beverly is wise. And I am so sorry, Zen. Please, please, please vent/grieve/cling to us as necessary. We love you and want to be here for you.