Zen, I honestly believe you are better off remembering her healthy. It isn't likely that she is well enough to be comforted by seeing you and your loving memories will be overwritten with her current suffering. It is good to hear that she has a devoted caretaker in her husband, and yes he will be in really rough shape after. Maybe you can reach out to him and let him know you are there if he feels it will help her. And yeah, not having her die would be an really nice option. I am so sorry.

Thank you, Laura. I have reached out to him but I doubt he'll ask me for anything. I do want to remember her healthy. Snarky, defiantly inappropriate, terrible sense of humor, covered in cats, always reading, filking, beading, reading. She had a life she liked, finally, and I wish she could have more of it.

Timelies all!

I have achieved pie for Thanksgiving. Apple, because my MIL doesn't like pumpkin pie. Also, she keeps kosher, so I had to go to the kosher supermarket to find one that was kosher parve(neither meat nor dairy). Still, achievement unlocked.

That sounds like a difficult achievement, Sheryl. Sounds like a verse in Scarborough Fair. "Have her make me an apple pie, Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme, Without no meat nor cow's milk inside, And then she'll be a true love of mine."

That doesn't sound right, Theo. I hope it's clear sailing for your roommate now.

Oh, no, Zen. How terrible. Not going does seem like the best choice for all of you, but how terribly sad.

I agree, Zen. You accomplish nothing for either of you by going.

If it's something you feel you can do, write down how you were friends, what she meant to you, and share it with her husband. Knowing someone else loved her, how deeply and in what way, may help him a little with his own grief.

Beverly is wise. And I am so sorry, Zen. Please, please, please vent/grieve/cling to us as necessary. We love you and want to be here for you.

I'm so sorry, Zen. Beverly's idea is perfect.

Don't go, Zen. If it's this far progressed, her liver is probably compromised, and failing livers do bad things to the brain, and major personality changes are well documented. And personally witnessed.

The best condolence call I received was from someone I hadn't heard from in years, he introduced himself with his name, offered sympathy and a fond memory of years back, then said he wouldn't keep me and said good-bye. It was refreshing and soothing and such a relief that I had no responsibility for the interaction at all. In a few days after the fact, perhaps you can do the same for her husband.

I stopped by TJ's on the way home from work to decide if I wanted turkey and look for pumpkin ravioli and holiday beer. Yes on the turkey (braised drumsticks instead of a turkey breast, I'm kind of excited) and beer, no on the ravioli (they had butternut squash, which is probably quite tasty, but I had my heart set on pumpkin). Also picked up a bunch of other stuff I didn't really intend to, but it will all be consumed I'm sure. So at one point I was standing in front of their cheese display scrolling through FB looking for that post about the best cheese for your zodiac sign - Aquarius's cheese was Comte, and there was some available, so now that is dinner. It is rather nice, but I don't know that it would be my one true cheese.