I agree, Zen. You accomplish nothing for either of you by going.

If it's something you feel you can do, write down how you were friends, what she meant to you, and share it with her husband. Knowing someone else loved her, how deeply and in what way, may help him a little with his own grief.

Beverly is wise. And I am so sorry, Zen. Please, please, please vent/grieve/cling to us as necessary. We love you and want to be here for you.

I'm so sorry, Zen. Beverly's idea is perfect.

Don't go, Zen. If it's this far progressed, her liver is probably compromised, and failing livers do bad things to the brain, and major personality changes are well documented. And personally witnessed.

The best condolence call I received was from someone I hadn't heard from in years, he introduced himself with his name, offered sympathy and a fond memory of years back, then said he wouldn't keep me and said good-bye. It was refreshing and soothing and such a relief that I had no responsibility for the interaction at all. In a few days after the fact, perhaps you can do the same for her husband.

I stopped by TJ's on the way home from work to decide if I wanted turkey and look for pumpkin ravioli and holiday beer. Yes on the turkey (braised drumsticks instead of a turkey breast, I'm kind of excited) and beer, no on the ravioli (they had butternut squash, which is probably quite tasty, but I had my heart set on pumpkin). Also picked up a bunch of other stuff I didn't really intend to, but it will all be consumed I'm sure. So at one point I was standing in front of their cheese display scrolling through FB looking for that post about the best cheese for your zodiac sign - Aquarius's cheese was Comte, and there was some available, so now that is dinner. It is rather nice, but I don't know that it would be my one true cheese.

So sorry, Zen. You've already received better advice than I can give, so I'll just wish you strength.

I think my wife is more freaked out about the sale of IRIS than I am. She's really pressuring me to start looking for another job, but I think it's unlikely I'm going to be out a job. I'm more worried about ending up in a sucky work environment and Lowe's is giving me ten thousand reasons to not resign before the end of the year. It does seem prudent to check out the job market, but it's kinda hard to look for a job when you aren't sure you want to find one. OTOH, nice problem to have so I can't really complain.

Thank you all. I was afraid that my strong desire not to go was clouding my judgement. Connie, that's helpful; I think I'll end up doing that, although probably via email, not telephone.

Gud, now is a good time to update your resume/CV and take a look at what's out there in the job market so you know what your options are. That way you can go into the new situation prepared to bail if it's not where you want to be.

I'm sorry Zen. That sounds just awful. Beading and reading, covered with cats. A good time.

Grace be upon you.