I was mostly offline for a week, away with family. This conversation has been really interesting . I have a good relationship with my parents. and after spending a week with them saw a lot of stuff. One of the things that I have been dealing with since the election is what to do with anger. Or even other emotions that are more ... volatile. Being with the family I remembered that I was deemed 'overemotional'. Such a stupid label. I could have used some help dealing with strong emotions. None of this is crippling. But the conversation has got me thinking that it might be worth getting help.

Relationships are so complex. I blame a lot of this on the fact that are two full people involved, not two halves of a whole. It would be nice if we shared a brain.

My therapist has said (and my brother, the MS student in psychology, confirms) that people with trauma/PTSD* just have whole chunks of their memory missing.

Holy shit, really? I have very, very patchy memories of my childhood and adolescence in an alcoholic and emotionally abusive environment. My sister remembers a lot more than me.

Thanks, y'all. So far I'm doing okay.

smonster, holy crap, of all things you did not need. He ought to give you a week's notice at least.

Hil, I can understand your mom worrying. I would too. I do. But I trust you'll leave when it's time to gtho.

Keeping three inside cats as I do, I was pleasantly surprised to not notice any particular fragrance when I came home! Petsitter did a good job.

I'll share my spreadsheet if you want it, beej!

Nora, welcome to a real fun club! We smile awkwardly and drink too much punch, but hey, membership is free.

My therapist has said (and my brother, the MS student in psychology, confirms) that people with trauma/PTSD* just have whole chunks of their memory missing.

Holy shit, really?

For realio. Knowing that there's a reason I'm missing chunks of my childhood makes me feel better (for all values of "better" that apply to "missing chunks of my childhood thanks to abuse and trauma").

Love to all of you.

I'd go nuts without this place. I'm barely hanging on. Thank you for allowing me some grace.

Keep reaching out, Maria. We're here.

smonster, I wish you more manageable chaos.

One of my college roommates came from an even more dyfunctional family than mine. When we got to college we decided that it was only right to take a second childhood then and there. Cue blowing soap bubbles in the dorm courtyard, buying things out of gumball machines, and reading the funny pages. ETA We did put a boundary between childlike and childish behavior, valuing simple enjoyment and kindness.

I drove to Eugene OR from Bend to see my niece, and she stood me up. Hasn't responded to any texts after the one saying "yes we'd love to see you" last Friday. Soooo. I'm a mix of sad, enraged, resigned, frustrated. I don't get her.

Bad manners? She was raised by her mother and her family, one of those awful divorces. Her mother was horrible to all of us, not just my brother. This feels like something her mother would've done. I suppose there could be a non-rude explanation but I doubt I'll ever hear it.

But she's in her freaking 30s. Common courtesy, you'd think, would prevail. But no.

If I'd known, I wouldn't have come here at all, I'd be soaking at the hot spring near Ashland right now. At least I got to visit with a former roommate who is not doing well, attend a free clarinet symphony concert in the park, and had a lovely conversation with a couple my age or older who have a summer house in Sweden and moved here last year from minnesota.and the Airbnb lady is very nice.

My memory does a fine job of remembering the good and forgetting the bad. It works for me. I could not tell you the anniversary of loved ones deaths, but I can tell you their birthdays. I don't even know what day Steve died after writing it on a zillion forms. I told myself every time I wrote it that I would forget, and I did. Already forgot Mom's, although I know it was the same month as Steve, and my nephew.

I'm sorry about the rude niece, Java. Good that you made the most out of the time. Free clarinet music in the park sounds nice.

{{Bitches}}

eta: some day I will proofread before posting and not have to edit