I drove to Eugene OR from Bend to see my niece, and she stood me up. Hasn't responded to any texts after the one saying "yes we'd love to see you" last Friday. Soooo. I'm a mix of sad, enraged, resigned, frustrated. I don't get her.

Bad manners? She was raised by her mother and her family, one of those awful divorces. Her mother was horrible to all of us, not just my brother. This feels like something her mother would've done. I suppose there could be a non-rude explanation but I doubt I'll ever hear it.

But she's in her freaking 30s. Common courtesy, you'd think, would prevail. But no.

If I'd known, I wouldn't have come here at all, I'd be soaking at the hot spring near Ashland right now. At least I got to visit with a former roommate who is not doing well, attend a free clarinet symphony concert in the park, and had a lovely conversation with a couple my age or older who have a summer house in Sweden and moved here last year from minnesota.and the Airbnb lady is very nice.

My memory does a fine job of remembering the good and forgetting the bad. It works for me. I could not tell you the anniversary of loved ones deaths, but I can tell you their birthdays. I don't even know what day Steve died after writing it on a zillion forms. I told myself every time I wrote it that I would forget, and I did. Already forgot Mom's, although I know it was the same month as Steve, and my nephew.

I'm sorry about the rude niece, Java. Good that you made the most out of the time. Free clarinet music in the park sounds nice.

{{Bitches}}

eta: some day I will proofread before posting and not have to edit

Stupid rude bitch Niece. Fuck her, I'd say, but she doesn't deserve the pleasure.

I would be ever.so.thrilled. to receive visitors who cared enough to travel to see me.

Why don't you send me her address so I can express my displaced anger with a nasty letter? She has no idea I exist, but Java has spent time listening to the horror story of my in laws and I owe her one.

Grrrrrr.

Or maybe I should mind my own business and deal with my own relatives. Yuck.

Why do relatives have to be so complicated. My favorite is when one of my cousin's kids moved within 40 miles of where I currently live, my cousin apparently visited fairly frequently, yet I didn't find out they were that close until they decided to move back to Arizona. Ummm, hello, I'm right here. Would have loved to have seen you.

I'm going to a big family reunion with that side of the family in August. My favorite cousin won't be there which is very sad making, but I'm also glad they remembered me. That set of cousins are the ones I grew up with.

I think trauma does mess with the memory, but I had a pretty happy childhood and I can't remember huge chunks of it either. I have certain very vivid memories, like hearing the foghorns in Lake Michigan when I first woke up, or what our backyard looked like when I was really little, etc. but I don't remember most of it. I remember what the house we moved into when I was nine looked like, but I can't remember anything about the move there. I can't remember a single birthday party or any specific class lessons or any long stretches of time. I have little precise snippets, but nothing in between them. This is how I remember everything, including my 20s, 30s and 40s.

That's just how I remember stuff--I thought it was that way for everyone. Do other people remember stuff differently? Like, do you all remember all of your birthday parties from childhood?

Like, do you all remember all of your birthday parties from childhood?

God, no. If there are people who do, I'm going to find that freaky. (I mean, I know there are Marilu Henner-like people who do.)

Scrappy, your memory is like mine, a highlights reel.

Scrappy, your memory is like mine, a highlights reel.

Pretty much, including the more recent decades, or even last week.

Yep Scrappy, I'm with you.