I’m so sorry, Laura.

I'm sorry Laura.

Crumb! I filled out the application for get contrave & it said I'm not eligible.

I was so stressed out when cat Lily was sick for a couple of months before she died, I lost 20 pounds without thinking about it. When I became aware of it, I felt that I could tell / see / feel that there was something different going on in my brain. It was extraordinary, & so so welcome. It went away at Thanksgiving.

I want to get it back without all the stress & feelings about a beloved member of my family dying.

Well, we survived the memorial gathering. There were a lot of people there. Most I didn't know, but the family hugged us warmly, and often. Several of Bobby's friends came over to us and hugged and shared updates on their lives. We circulated among the crowd. My son's in-laws were there and DH spoke with DIL's father and uncle. The men discussed how shattered they would be if they lost their spouses bonding on their concern for their friend who just lost his high school sweetheart and wife of 31 years. Bobby and family stayed at the fringe of the hanger (airport community) and we did not approach each other. He was standing about 15 feet behind his father with my grandson on his shoulders during the main eulogy. In this eulogy my son was included in the listing of Lisa's boys (among other non-blood kids), and my grandsons as well. Honestly, I will always be grateful for love she showed my family. It wasn't the time or place for a reunion, so it was as okay as it could be.

High point was an artist friend of my sons approaching me for hugs. She was going to paint a mural in my Delray house before we sold it and she said she would love to do so in the new place. She was so excited about the project. Some of her photos, which are probably public are here [link] - she does a lot of clothing and painting, but is just generally very talented. We had worked on some concepts years ago. She'll stop by and get a feel for the space and light and we'll go from there. Since I have zero artistic ability, it is all on her.

The low point was seeing my son's physical condition. He is heavier than I have ever seen him. He had several TIAs in his mid-20s so I am concerned that he is not taking care of himself. Nothing I can do. I still feel it could be a turn around year for him. Losing his dearest mother figure, my turning 70, him turning 30 this summer. Lots of life events.

tl;dr We're doing okay after the memorial.

Oof, that sounds so difficult, Laura. I'm sorry.

Thank, David. Everyone was still reeling from losing a young woman so quickly and unexpectedly. Yeah, cancer is cruel.

Was that thinking about you today, Laura. Much love to you.

Oh, Laura. That’s so hard, but it sounds like it went as possibly good as it could have gone without a complete reconciliation. I’m sure hopeful he comes around. I wonder if the weight he’s gained is from being in a depression.

On a *much* lower stakes level, I’ve got some similar themes happening this year, and I’m very anxious about how they’ll go. Mainly seeing ex-friends or people who just faded out of my life (when I did not want them to and made it expressly clear) at events that I will not miss just to avoid awkwardness. (I *am* missing one such event up in Exeter next weekend, but it’s only because I got my dates mixed up and have tickets for a Broadway show that I’m desperate to see.)

Laura I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I hope your son comes to his senses soon.

So in my weight loss/muscle gain thing ..I've noticed my bras seem tight where I normally have them hooked (on the last row of hooks) and I had to change to the middle for more room but that Is a little loose and my pull over comfy bras are a little tighter and less comfy.

I was frustrated because I lost weight how is it my chest is getting fatter?

And then at work I was moving things and it felt easier and then I realized maybe it's my muscles that have gotten bigger around my chest. Which is cool.

What is also cool is I was pulling a bag of flour off top stock and caught a glimpse of my bicep out of the corner of my eye. I don't think it's visible to anyone else but my biceps are now noticable to me when I bend my arm without having to flex them.

Yes, I am determined to continue to do things even when there may be awkwardness. Breathe and do it. In the next month I have visitors coming who were close to Bobby, his favorite cousins from NY visiting for Spring Break, and my sisters and a whole bunch of local family here for the Air Show. I'm thinking I should let him know when these family gatherings will occur and let him know he would be welcomed. Maybe it would be easier for him with a bunch of other people. Maybe he would come with the kids. I can't imagine his wife coming. I don't know, but I feel like it is my role to try. I know he misses his close family but has put himself in a corner. (Note that I will swing to anger and never wanting to see them before the day is done. Emotions are still volatile.)