That is part of the problem, I keep letting myself hope something will wake him up and figure out his actual mom won't be here forever either.

I'm hoping that too.

Oh, Laura. My heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry.

Laura, all my love and wishes for you. I know it's been so, so hard, and you've been amazingly forbearing and strong. I have hope, too.

I spoke with my eldest about it this morning, and he said he feels hope and believes his brother is just going through a thing and will wake up. He wishes he was here to go to the memorial because he grew up with this family too. He's reaching out to the sons directly as they remain friends. Alas, he doesn't communicate with his brother either as he cut us all off. He may try reaching out to him, but isn't sure yet. Part of Bobby's issue is that (in his mind) we always favored his brother. Dude, you are almost 30 and it is time to drop sibling rivalry.

I’m so sorry, Laura.

I'm sorry Laura.

Crumb! I filled out the application for get contrave & it said I'm not eligible.

I was so stressed out when cat Lily was sick for a couple of months before she died, I lost 20 pounds without thinking about it. When I became aware of it, I felt that I could tell / see / feel that there was something different going on in my brain. It was extraordinary, & so so welcome. It went away at Thanksgiving.

I want to get it back without all the stress & feelings about a beloved member of my family dying.

Well, we survived the memorial gathering. There were a lot of people there. Most I didn't know, but the family hugged us warmly, and often. Several of Bobby's friends came over to us and hugged and shared updates on their lives. We circulated among the crowd. My son's in-laws were there and DH spoke with DIL's father and uncle. The men discussed how shattered they would be if they lost their spouses bonding on their concern for their friend who just lost his high school sweetheart and wife of 31 years. Bobby and family stayed at the fringe of the hanger (airport community) and we did not approach each other. He was standing about 15 feet behind his father with my grandson on his shoulders during the main eulogy. In this eulogy my son was included in the listing of Lisa's boys (among other non-blood kids), and my grandsons as well. Honestly, I will always be grateful for love she showed my family. It wasn't the time or place for a reunion, so it was as okay as it could be.

High point was an artist friend of my sons approaching me for hugs. She was going to paint a mural in my Delray house before we sold it and she said she would love to do so in the new place. She was so excited about the project. Some of her photos, which are probably public are here [link] - she does a lot of clothing and painting, but is just generally very talented. We had worked on some concepts years ago. She'll stop by and get a feel for the space and light and we'll go from there. Since I have zero artistic ability, it is all on her.

The low point was seeing my son's physical condition. He is heavier than I have ever seen him. He had several TIAs in his mid-20s so I am concerned that he is not taking care of himself. Nothing I can do. I still feel it could be a turn around year for him. Losing his dearest mother figure, my turning 70, him turning 30 this summer. Lots of life events.

tl;dr We're doing okay after the memorial.

Oof, that sounds so difficult, Laura. I'm sorry.

Thank, David. Everyone was still reeling from losing a young woman so quickly and unexpectedly. Yeah, cancer is cruel.

Was that thinking about you today, Laura. Much love to you.