I am struggling with the death of my former neighbor, Lisa. We met in 1999 when she moved into her husband's childhood home which was directly behind the home I was moving into. Our sons were both 5 years old and became fast friends. We both had 2 sons and we raised them together, each treating them all as our own. Her son officiated my son's wedding. Bobby's wedding reception and the shower for his first son were held at her new home as they moved a couple of years before we moved. We celebrated countless events together. I am heartbroken for her husband of 31 years and the boys.
Now for the struggle part, which goes beyond the grief of a friend lost so young. There is a memorial gathering this Saturday at their home where we gathered so many times. Bobby, his wife, and my grandchildren will be there. It has been almost 3 years since I have seen them. His 3 year old was only 4 months at that time, and I have never met the 1 year old. We have to go. We love her sons and husband and need to go and hug them and express our sorrow. I already sent a text to my son, who I am sure is devastated, but of course no response. Not only will my son and his family be there, but also my DIL's parents who we also have not seen. Our three families were all close for decades.
I don't think I can approach them at all because his rejection would be too much for me to handle. If he approaches me, I am sure I can hug him and offer comfort for his loss, the same for her parents who were very close friends. Bobby met his wife at a party at Lisa's house where his wife's parents were in attendance. There is a whole lot of connection in our three families. I can even see myself offering comfort to my DIL's parents. But I am holding on to a whole lot of anger when it comes to my DIL, who was most responsible for shattering my family. Not that my son isn't responsible, but he remains my son and his pain is my pain.
It is just a mess. I have to go, not going just isn't possible. But how can I handle being introduced to my grandchildren. How can I handle it if we just attend and ignore each others' presence. The whole thing is just painful, all this on top of a young woman dying and leaving behind her loving family and friends. It will no doubt be a huge gathering as all our parties there were, so avoiding each other could easily happen. I hate all of this.
Sorry for the emotion dump, but I am really at a loss.