Happy birthday Jessica and Hil.

Very cold here as well. Arguing with my never cold girl to wear not only a coat but a hat and gloves is exhausting first thing in the morning.

Happy Birthdays, Hil and Jessica!

t deep breath, long exhale I just need to emotion-dump this here, because it's not something serious enough to interrupt Tim at work (at least, I'm fairly certain it's not that serious -- just keep reading), but I need to talk about it so I can get my head back together and do some work.

My brother called me half an hour ago to tell me that he relapsed again. It started last week, and his wife is out of town. This seems very different from his relapse in 2016, because he was extremely clear-headed and lucid on the phone with me, and in 2016 he was a hot fucking barely coherent mess. He told me that he had been drinking vodka, but he stopped last night and today he texted a neighbor to ask for a ride to the grocery store so he could buy beer to do a taper like he did in 2016 (the neighbor showed up at his house in like 2 minutes -- good neighbor).

(My hands are shaking and my stomach is about to flip itself inside out. My stress level is through the roof right now.)

We talked for a while about what he was going to do. His wife is out of town until Saturday. I told him I'd get a flight today if he needed me. He said that he thinks he can do this himself until Saturday. He also said he's talked to his therapist and his other sober folks, so he has support out there, unlike in 2016. (He also told his wife this morning, so she knows.)

(And while I was typing this, he literally just now texted to tell me that a sober friend is on his way over to keep him company. So that's a relief. My stress level is a bit lower now.)

I thanked him for trusting me enough to tell me that he relapsed, and I told him that I was assuming that by telling me, he wanted my support AND for me to hold him accountable. He didn't hesitate to say yes, absolutely. So for today, I'm going to call him every 2 hours to check in. Then we'll see how tomorrow is, how often I should call to check in.

I *think* this will be fine. I think he'll get through this and be fine on the other side. I know relapse is a part of recovery. But part of me really wanted to believe that his relapse in 2016 would be it, that now he's fine. How stupid can I be? Extremely stupid, apparently.

So. Jesus fucking CHRIST.

Thank god I have therapy tomorrow morning.

Happy birthdays!

Sending you warmth from "hi, it's November and I'm wearing a t-shirt".

Edited to add: Steph, oy. I'm sorry. Vibes for you and your brother.

Sending you warmth from "hi, it's November and I'm wearing a t-shirt".

It's below freezing here, so I will take all the warmth you can send. My toes are little blocks of ice.

{{{Tep}}} That's scary as hell but it sounds like you are doing all the right things (and if it's something you are wondering about, your reactions are totally normal). It does sound like your brother is in a much better place this time than a few years ago. Here's hoping it's just a blip in his recovery.

{{{Steph}}} I'm sorry. Much ~am for your brother. He's lucky to have you.

Teppy, love to you and your brother.

Good things:

You didn't catch him; he chose to come clean.

He chose to call you.

He chose to tell his wife.

He has a disease which impairs his judgment about the disease, but it seems he is still healthy enough to know he needs take steps to counteract that and he's started taking those steps.

His sober friend will be a good resource to help him as he reclaims his sobriety. Your brother knows that, and he called that sober friend (instead of choosing to avoid him).

Has he been one to go to AA meetings? Is he going to go to a meeting?

(Not pushing it. I know AA isn't for everyone, but a lot of people will do 90 meetings in 90 days after a slip.)

You weren't stupid. You were hopeful.

Has he been one to go to AA meetings? Is he going to go to a meeting?

He doesn't go to AA meetings. He really doesn't like them. He does have an excellent therapist, who he's been seeing since his relapse in 2016.