Adventures In Showing Your Ass Online, or

Vagina/Vulva II: This Time It's Cissplainin'

Hi, Trudy!

Since you've deleted all your participation in the conversation on my Facebook wall, and deleted my own comment on your wall, here's another location for you to "not acknowledge my scolding".

I hope that, although you clearly don't have the integrity to stand by your own words & face their consequences, or to apologise to the trans man you treated so poorly, that at least you have the grace to feel ashamed of your cowardice.

Although odds aren't looking good at this point.

I thought better of you. But you clearly RECOGNISE you fucked up with your cissplaining and your belittling, and that if the trans and non binary friends whom you kept evoking as a magical authority to allow you to lecture a trans man about the trans experience and trans history DID see you showing your ass in public, they wouldn't be the cheerleading squad you kept insisting on.

Dear God.

I dare say I'll fuck up in a similar way, because being privileged means constantly fucking up and having to start over, but when I do next show my ass the way you did today, Leah, I pray to God that when the penny drops I will have the balls and decency to APOLOGISE to the person I have thoughtlessly bulldozed - and not give some fucking shitweasel non-apology that implies I'm not responsible for any discomfort the other party may have happened to experience and then flounce off pretending to be the injured party.

("I'm sorry this conversation was not a good one for you", after you'd lectured him about how lucky he was to be living now, and told him how good he has it, for fuck's sakes.)

My God.

I thought better of you. This spineless shielding-your-own-image bit of retconning instead of acknowledging your mistake and apologising to Eli for talking down to him about trans history and his lived experience while trumpeting your own expertise in trans issues was all cowardice, vanity and ego, and FUCK ALL in the way of actual allyship.

I had no notion you were so intellectually dishonest.

But however much you enjoyed boasting that your words couldn't possibly be problematic because you have trans friends who know and trust you (and we all know that "some of my best friends are x" is a flawless strategy for ensuring you're in the right, especially when lecturing people who ARE x about the history of x) I think we BOTH know at this stage that either they DON'T really know you - or, if they do, they know they cannot trust you.

Because you damn well know they would have called you on your bullshit if they saw the words you have now erased to make yourself look better, and that's precisely why you erased them.

I hope you have the self awareness to be squirming in mortification at how poorly you've behaved, but it rather looks like you don't - like all you care about is how you LOOK.

So here we go. Extract yourself from THIS conversation and feel free to shove the collected writings of Kate Bornstein up your patronising arse sideways while you're at it.

#SorryBuffistas #ButThisWasUnacceptableAF #Fuckery #Dishonesty #WorryingAboutYourFuckingImage #NonApology #CheckYourFuckingPrivilegePeople #AllTalkAndNoFuckingSubstance #Ego #Diva #Unbefuckinglievable #BurnItAllDown

Color me shocked.

Just my two cents, but this is a little confusing for anyone who didn't see the actual conversation.

Yeah, I'm not sure it's appropriate to bring this over here as a continuation of a contentious argument.

I missed it too, not really inclined to go in search of it.

This is not a contentious argument, this is Trudy refusing to be accountable for harm caused. If she hadn't deleted her comments and then deleted Fay's comment on her page, none of this would be happening.

Sorry, I don't mean to miscategorize what happened, since I wasn't a participant. My only point is that it didn't happen here, so I'm not sure there's any benefit in bringing it here.

What Dana said. Not going to go to the merits of what was said -- just that this board isn't the spot to continue something that happened on Facebook. (Especially when -- and please correct me if I'm wrong -- at least one central person in the matter doesn't participate on this board.)

I am sure it was messy af, and I believe Fay's version of events. But I also agree with Dana (and Fred) that this didn't happen here and is best handled (or not) by the parties involved. I understand someone was blocked, so she must be aware that she offended, right? What purpose does bringing it into B.org or Buffistas on FB serve? The offending party is unlikely to be brought around since she chose to delete her comments rather than issue an apology.

And {{{Windsparrow}}}. Losing a pet is so hard. Sending love to you.