Tep, that list of things to deal with made me want to hide under the bed just reading it. You are so totally not being selfish. I hope you are able to get some space and some relief very soon.

Strix, all ~ma for you and D and family. It's good to see your pixels here.

Zen, your blood and internal organs need to stay inside your body. I'm prepared to be firm about this if necessary.

Jessica, Divorced Dad here sounds like, shall we say, a real piece of work. Trying to rope your kid in on his side just adds an extra layer of creepy and thoughtless to the mix. Block early, block often, I say.

smonster, my wish for you is to find someone (or someones, if that's your preference) who will appreciate your many sterling qualities and also be interpersonally-aware enough to give you space when you want/need it.

Bev, I hope you get the most out of having the house to yourself for a while, and that you and H celebrate being re-united in a glorious and silly fashion when it happens.

Everybody else, I'm still here and still reading. I'm terribly fond of all of you. Thank you for taking such good care of one another; it's a balm to the soul to come in and read some of my favourite people supporting one another.

Lovely to see you, Karl. I hope you and yours are doing well.

The bestest part of H being away for a bit is that Buffistas get to see more of Beverly. Yes, I am that selfish!

So I have a tentative plan for leaving FL and heading to NY for the summer. Leaving early on the 24th and stopping to stay with my niece in Charlotte that evening. (maybe 9-10 hours) Then the next day either driving 12-13 hours and getting to my bed, or possibly stopping around Harrisburg, PA and finishing off the next morning. I really won't know how I am holding out with the long drive until I do it. Also my sons are making noises that they should help me, or DH, but I haven't made a decision on that yet. I have done it on my own a few times. I can drive from sun up to sun down. I won't drive at night.

Hi, Karl!

Strix, ~ma for D and his family, and you.

Sorry about INTENSE guy, smonster.

Jess, if someone emailed my kid without first clearing it with me, and dragged them into some whiny bullshit drama, I'd go ballistic on them.

I cringed in sympathy/empathy reading your post.

Me too, Steph. That schedule would make me cry even if I didn't have any Other Stuff going on. Also? Actual friends will understand if you say, I love y'all but family's priority and in the middle of all this I just need some quiet downtime at home. Friends don't expect you to put a party above your own mental and physical health. They might be disappointed but they'll still love you.

And remember that being disappointed not to see you is not the same as being disappointed with you.

Edit: Also kudos for bringing it here. I'm just realizing how much I shut down and retreat into my own head when I'm getting overwhelmed.

Thanks for making that point, Epic. I do the same thing, and I've been doing it the last week. I was managing okay with the broken leg, but the hospital visit and everything around that about did me in. I finally had a tearful breakdown in the hospital. It was just too much all at once. I'm trying to stay optimistic and cheerful, but damn I'm ready for this mess to be over with. I'm ready to go back to my normal regular life. Tomorrow I have a follow-up with the hemotologist to check where my iron levels are, and as of today the bleeding seems to have finally stopped (shhh don't jinx it) after bleeding for a solid 48 days without pause. I've been just retreating into the internet to get away from it all. Luckily (?) there's a real-life House of Cards going on to keep me distracted.

Hi Karl! Thanks for the wishes.

Xpost with Zen.

And remember that being disappointed not to see you is not the same as being disappointed with you.

This!

Continues wishes for healing, Zen.

And remember that being disappointed not to see you is not the same as being disappointed with you.

I'm pretty sure that I'm conflating some Serious Therapy Issues with how I feel about all these parties. (Short version: My needs/wants "don't matter" and I shouldn't even HAVE needs/wants, let alone express them. So while it *feels* like my problem is that I can't say no to a pool party, it's really my decades-old programming kicking in hard, since I've spent the last week caretaking the person responsible for the programming.)

This is, obviously, why I'm in therapy. Here's another short example of how fucked up I am: my mom's birthday is 3 days before mine (which is in 10 days, so don't delay on buying me a gold-plated unicorn, y'all). My stepdad told Tim and me that he thought a low-key birthday party/congratulations on not dying in surgery party would really make Mom happy. (Side note: I agree 100%. I'm not heartless. No pun intended.)

I told Tim later that I was glad that he didn't mention that the same weekend of the party (yeah ONE MORE GODDAMN PARTY) is also my birthday. And as I started to say "Because...", he said "Because YOUR birthday is special and should be celebrated on its own." Except that *I* was going to say "Because Mom deserves a special day." Hand to god, my first reaction about my OWN birthday is about what my mom deserves. I mean, there wasn't even a question in my mind. What I might want for my own birthday didn't even occur to me.

That is so sad. But I feel like recognizing that is progress.

Ugh, that was a feelings dump. Sorry.

Listening to B'istas talk about their progress and insights in therapy has helped me as much as or more than going to therapy myself. So, don't feel bad about talking about your feelings and your progress! You know, for me.

Seriously, though, don't stop talking about your feelings. We're all right there with you, on our own (often very similar) journeys, and it matters and we care.

(Ugh, I hate using the word "journey" to refer to one's life.)

A feelings dump? How DARE you! Are those allowed? :)

I had a 630am meeting today (thanks Europe and time zones) and now it's not yet 8am when I normally start work, but it feels like it's already been a long work day. Ugh.