Xpost with Zen.

And remember that being disappointed not to see you is not the same as being disappointed with you.

This!

Continues wishes for healing, Zen.

And remember that being disappointed not to see you is not the same as being disappointed with you.

I'm pretty sure that I'm conflating some Serious Therapy Issues with how I feel about all these parties. (Short version: My needs/wants "don't matter" and I shouldn't even HAVE needs/wants, let alone express them. So while it *feels* like my problem is that I can't say no to a pool party, it's really my decades-old programming kicking in hard, since I've spent the last week caretaking the person responsible for the programming.)

This is, obviously, why I'm in therapy. Here's another short example of how fucked up I am: my mom's birthday is 3 days before mine (which is in 10 days, so don't delay on buying me a gold-plated unicorn, y'all). My stepdad told Tim and me that he thought a low-key birthday party/congratulations on not dying in surgery party would really make Mom happy. (Side note: I agree 100%. I'm not heartless. No pun intended.)

I told Tim later that I was glad that he didn't mention that the same weekend of the party (yeah ONE MORE GODDAMN PARTY) is also my birthday. And as I started to say "Because...", he said "Because YOUR birthday is special and should be celebrated on its own." Except that *I* was going to say "Because Mom deserves a special day." Hand to god, my first reaction about my OWN birthday is about what my mom deserves. I mean, there wasn't even a question in my mind. What I might want for my own birthday didn't even occur to me.

That is so sad. But I feel like recognizing that is progress.

Ugh, that was a feelings dump. Sorry.

Listening to B'istas talk about their progress and insights in therapy has helped me as much as or more than going to therapy myself. So, don't feel bad about talking about your feelings and your progress! You know, for me.

Seriously, though, don't stop talking about your feelings. We're all right there with you, on our own (often very similar) journeys, and it matters and we care.

(Ugh, I hate using the word "journey" to refer to one's life.)

A feelings dump? How DARE you! Are those allowed? :)

I had a 630am meeting today (thanks Europe and time zones) and now it's not yet 8am when I normally start work, but it feels like it's already been a long work day. Ugh.

I like Tim more every day! I'm sorry it is so overwhelming, Teppy.

But I feel like recognizing that is progress.

It is, it really is.

I like Tim more every day!

Wrod!

I like Tim more every day!

This. Also, no apologies. That's what we're here for.

I'm glad Tim is ready to celebrate YOU, Steph. You deserve it.

Zen, I'm glad the bleeding has bloody well stopped. I hope it stays that way.

6:30 meeting and then starting your work day? Yeah, that's a long day, meara.