Hi, Karl!
Strix, ~ma for D and his family, and you.
Sorry about INTENSE guy, smonster.
Jess, if someone emailed my kid without first clearing it with me, and dragged them into some whiny bullshit drama, I'd go ballistic on them.
I cringed in sympathy/empathy reading your post.
Me too, Steph. That schedule would make me cry even if I
didn't
have any Other Stuff going on. Also? Actual friends will understand if you say, I love y'all but family's priority and in the middle of all this I just need some quiet downtime at home. Friends don't expect you to put a party above your own mental and physical health. They might be disappointed but they'll still love you.
And remember that being disappointed not to see you is not the same as being disappointed with you.
Edit: Also kudos for bringing it here. I'm just realizing how much I shut down and retreat into my own head when I'm getting overwhelmed.
Thanks for making that point, Epic. I do the same thing, and I've been doing it the last week. I was managing okay with the broken leg, but the hospital visit and everything around that about did me in. I finally had a tearful breakdown in the hospital. It was just too much all at once. I'm trying to stay optimistic and cheerful, but damn I'm ready for this mess to be over with. I'm ready to go back to my normal regular life. Tomorrow I have a follow-up with the hemotologist to check where my iron levels are, and as of today the bleeding seems to have finally stopped (shhh don't jinx it) after bleeding for a solid 48 days without pause. I've been just retreating into the internet to get away from it all. Luckily (?) there's a real-life House of Cards going on to keep me distracted.
Hi Karl! Thanks for the wishes.
Xpost with Zen.
And remember that being disappointed not to see you is not the same as being disappointed with you.
This!
Continues wishes for healing, Zen.
And remember that being disappointed not to see you is not the same as being disappointed with you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm conflating some Serious Therapy Issues with how I feel about all these parties. (Short version: My needs/wants "don't matter" and I shouldn't even HAVE needs/wants, let alone express them. So while it *feels* like my problem is that I can't say no to a pool party, it's really my decades-old programming kicking in hard, since I've spent the last week caretaking the person responsible for the programming.)
This is, obviously, why I'm in therapy. Here's another short example of how fucked up I am: my mom's birthday is 3 days before mine (which is in 10 days, so don't delay on buying me a gold-plated unicorn, y'all). My stepdad told Tim and me that he thought a low-key birthday party/congratulations on not dying in surgery party would really make Mom happy. (Side note: I agree 100%. I'm not heartless. No pun intended.)
I told Tim later that I was glad that he didn't mention that the same weekend of the party (yeah ONE MORE GODDAMN PARTY) is also my birthday. And as I started to say "Because...", he said "Because YOUR birthday is special and should be celebrated on its own." Except that *I* was going to say "Because Mom deserves a special day." Hand to god, my first reaction about my OWN birthday is about what my mom deserves. I mean, there wasn't even a question in my mind. What I might want for my own birthday didn't even occur to me.
That is so sad. But I feel like recognizing that is progress.
Ugh, that was a feelings dump. Sorry.
Listening to B'istas talk about their progress and insights in therapy has helped me as much as or more than going to therapy myself. So, don't feel bad about talking about your feelings and your progress! You know, for me.
Seriously, though, don't stop talking about your feelings. We're all right there with you, on our own (often very similar) journeys, and it matters and we care.
(Ugh, I hate using the word "journey" to refer to one's life.)
A feelings dump? How DARE you! Are those allowed? :)
I had a 630am meeting today (thanks Europe and time zones) and now it's not yet 8am when I normally start work, but it feels like it's already been a long work day. Ugh.
I like Tim more every day! I'm sorry it is so overwhelming, Teppy.
